Contact
by WelshClaire
Summary: Harry goes out to Afghanistan to help a friend, so there's a new guy at the Lyell Centre to cover him...Multi-chap. A big Fluff/Angst mashup
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so this is my first fic...well the first I'm brave enough to upload. Sadly I don't actually own Harry, Nikki or anyone else on the show - if I did, we would have Hakki and their babies already! So yes, enjoy, and con-crit definitely welcome.**

* * *

"There's a fax for you Harry" Leo said as he walked back into the office before dropping a sheet of paper onto the desk in front of the younger male who was clearly still suffering from the night before. They had been out for drinks and a meal with Nikki to celebrating solving a long-running murder case then, after Leo had left the two had gone back to Harry's house and continued drinking into the early hours of the morning.

Harry grunted a reply of thanks before draining his mug of coffee and standing to get another as Leo chuckled at him.

"I'm guessing Nikki's in a worse state than you?" Leo asked, the blonde woman not having arrived at work yet.

"She was still asleep when I left" Harry answered. "Coffee?" Leo nodded a yes.

Harry slouched in his chair back at his desk, sliding a coffee over to Leo sat opposite at Nikki's desk, before reading the piece of paper.

"Well?" Leo prompted. Harry looked up to him and was about to reply, when he grinned and stood up as Nikki, looking rather hungover, walked in.

"So this is the outcome of me leaving early is it?" Leo teased as Harry wrapped his arms around Nikki and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Don't be mean" Nikki said with mock hurt, tilting her head to capture Harry's lips in a kiss. "Mm, you taste of coffee" she stated, smiling sleepily at her lover.

"That would be because he's done nothing but drink it since he got here...and why do I never get a greeting like that?" Leo asked, attempting to keep a straight face as he stood to vacate Nikki's chair.

"If you want kisses from me Leo, you only have to ask" Harry retorted with a smirk.

"Haha" Leo replied dryly.

"I want kisses from you, Harry" Nikki said, cuddling into him.

"I know, and you can have them whenever you want my love" Harry replied kissing her softly again.

"What was your fax about?" Leo asked.

"Oh, a friend of mine is a pathologist with the Army. He's requested my help on a case out in Afghanistan, and says they'll provide cover for me here while I'm gone...if I go" Harry explained to his colleagues.

"What? Why?" Leo questioned concernedly.

"He doesn't explain fully, but says that they 'require my expertise'" Harry quoted.

"You, expert at something?" Nikki asked feigning shock at Harry's comment.

"I seem to recall that only the other night you said I was expert at quite a few things, Dr Alexander" Harry replied with a grin.

"Thanks for that, Harry" Leo said, shaking his head with a slight laugh as Nikki nodded.

"My friend read the paper I wrote for the BMJ a few months ago." Harry continued "He thinks I'd be useful out there for a few weeks to help out with something they've found."

"The one on chemicals you mean? Are you going to go?" Leo asked

"That's the one, Leo. I'm not sure, what do you think, Niks?" Harry looked at his lover who was now visibly worried about the situation.

"Well it's not my decision, is it?" Nikki responded shortly walking over to the coffee machine and pouring herself a cup.

"I'll be in my office if you need me" Leo interjected, sensing the couple needed to discuss the news alone.

Harry followed Nikki to the coffee machine once Leo had left, and wrapped his arms round her waist, nuzzling into her neck. "I won't go if you don't want me to" he said softly.

"I, it's just, it's a warzone Harry" Nikki sighed, turning in his arms to face him. "I won't stop you going if you want to though."

"Well I've only got today to decide. If I'm going, I fly out tomorrow" Harry said.

"That soon? How long will you be out there?" Nikki asked.

"It'll be a few weeks, a month tops, and then I'll be back distracting you from your work again" Harry teased.

"Who said we'll want you back? I might choose to keep your replacement" Nikki responded with a giggle. "I'm sorry love, I can tell you want to go. Call your friend to sort it, but stay safe for me"

"Thank you, I'll be back before you know it" Harry smiled, kissing Nikki before pulling his mobile out of his pocket to make the call, keeping her close to him as he made the arrangements with his friend.

* * *

Later that night, Nikki was stood in Harry's kitchen cooking while he was in his bedroom packing.

"Nikki, come here?" Harry called to her. Nikki checked the timer on the food in the oven before walking through the apartment to her lover.

"What is it?" She asked, seeing him sat on the bed, his bag packed on the floor.

"I love you" Harry replied simply.

"I know, and I love you" Nikki said with a smile, standing between his open legs.

"I, I just want to be sure you know it, in case something happens to me..." Harry trailed off before wrapping his arms around his lover.

"Nothing is going to happen to you. You'll be fine, I know it" Nikki said, snuggling into him. She couldn't bear to think how different her life would be and how she would carry on if Harry didn't make it home.

"I hope so," Harry said, pulling her down to sit on his lap. "I love you".

They sat in silence for a few minutes on what they both knew, but would not voice out loud, could be their last night together, exchanging tender kisses.

"Dinner should be ready in a few minutes. Want to pick a film?" Nikki said as she stood and began to walk to the kitchen.

* * *

"Finding Nemo? Really, Harry?" Nikki asked with a chuckle 5 minutes later as she carried two plates of lasagne into the living room.

"Escape!" Harry said, imitating Dory from the film to explain his choice. Nikki smiled at her lover, handing him a plate before kissing him softly.

After eating Harry moved from the table to relax along one side of his corner sofa, Nikki lying along the other resting her head on his chest. They watched the rest of the film in silence, sharing kisses occasionally, only speaking to quote parts of the film to each other.

"I love you so much Harry. I need you to come back safely." Nikki said honestly as the film ended.

"I will. It's only for a few weeks, most guys are out there for 6-8 months and plenty of them come back just fine" Harry replied, shifting his position to sit up a little and cuddle Nikki as she yawned. "Bed?"

"Yea" Harry stood up, before picking up his lover and carrying her into their bedroom.

"Get changed, I'll be back in a few minutes – just need to clean up from dinner" He said to Nikki, who looked like she could fall asleep standing up.

As Nikki changed, she prayed to any God that may exist and would listen to a non-believer that Harry would return quickly and safely to her. Tidying up in the kitchen, Harry was praying for the exact same thing. As he entered the bedroom, Nikki was getting into bed. Harry stripped to his briefs quickly before joining her, and holding her close to him as she drifted off to sleep. Harry lay awake for a while longer, worrying about what he would be faced with in the next few weeks before also falling asleep, still with his arms around his lover and hers around him.

* * *

**Thoughts?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to all of you who reviewed the last chapter - makes me happy when you do!  
**

* * *

The following morning Nikki awoke after what seemed like barely 10 minutes sleep, as sunlight lit up the room. She looked across at the still form of her lover expecting to find him asleep, only be graced by his eyes staring into hers, a smile forming on his face.

"Morning. Sleep well?" He asked.

"Mm, not bad. You?" Nikki replied as she snuggled up to him, laying her head on his chest as he placed his arms around her.

"Terribly. Felt like I was awake most of the night."

"Well how about you stay here and rest, while I make us breakfast in bed" Nikki said.

"You're too good to me" Harry replied, stealing a kiss from his lover before she moved to get out of bed.

After eating, Harry and Nikki lay in bed curled up together watching early morning TV, kissing lazily while wishing that their last few hours together would last forever. Nikki reached under the covers to cup Harry through his briefs, smirking when he let out a gasp at the sudden contact.

"Niks, we don't have long" Harry said, feeling his arousal grow.

"Best make it memorable then, you won't get any for a while" Nikki said, suddenly not wanting to let her lover go.

"I won't be gone long, and when I'm back, I'll be keeping you in this bed for quite a long time" Harry growled possessively.

"I love you, Harry" Nikki whispered, leaning to kiss her lover. Harry took this opportunity to flip them so he was on top. Nikki let out a chuckle at this, linking her arms around Harry's neck, pulling him to kiss him passionately as he ran his hands over her body. At his touches, Nikki began to remove her few clothes doing the same to her lover until they were both naked. Harry began to kiss his way down Nikki's body, making his intentions known to her before showing her just how much he loved her.

Harry was lying on his back with Nikki resting her head on his bare chest, one hand running over it lightly.

"Much as I enjoyed that, we need to leave for Brize Norton in..." Nikki glanced at the clock "...an hour and a half. Shower?"

"You can go first. I would love to share, but there really is no time now" Harry said, kissing his lover.

"You always have to be sensible at the worst times don't you?" Nikki joked as she left the bed and walked to the en-suite naked, knowing Harry was watching her go.

* * *

They reached the RAF base in plenty of time, allowing Harry to meet the people he would be flying out with, himself being the only non-military body going. All the rest were going for tours of 8 months which, upon hearing this, made the couple very grateful that Harry's time out there was so short.

"I don't think I could cope with not seeing you for that long" Nikki confessed. They now only had a few minutes left before Harry had to leave to board the plane. All the soldiers around them were also saying their last goodbyes to their loved ones.

"And I you" Harry said, kissing Nikki softly. "There's a gift for you for tomorrow in my wardrobe. I'd booked a restaurant for us too...maybe you could take Leo instead?"

"Yea," Nikki chuckled "Go out for a romantic meal with my boss to celebrate our anniversary while you're out in a warzone...great plan Harry!"

"Well, we could always count this morning as our celebrations" Harry said, smiling before kissing his lover again.

"Don't think you can get away with that ever year," Nikki teased "It was very enjoyable though"

"I could tell" Harry grinned. "I'll make it up to you once I'm back, posh dinner and everything."

"Come on then boys and girls. Time to start boarding" called a loud voice belonging to the Company Sergeant Major. Everyone in the room began picking up their bags, having one final hug and kiss with their partners and families. Harry held Nikki close to him, pressing a kiss to her forehead, before kissing her passionately.

"I love you" He said "Remember that every day"

"I will, I love you too. So much" Nikki said, tears forming in her eyes.

"Please don't cry, Niks. You'll start me off if you do" Harry said with a light chuckle. "I've got to go. I love you."

He picked up his bags and walked off, turning to smile and wave as he went through the door.

"Don't you worry Miss," a voice said kindly as Nikki wiped away a stray tear. She turned to find the CSM standing behind her "We'll look after him. He's not one of us yet, but as soon as he meets the lads properly he will be. We'll keep him safe for you.

"Thank you" Nikki said, a smile gracing her face.

The CSM turned and walked off in the same direction that Harry and all the others had done, leaving Nikki and all the soldiers' family members who gradually started to disperse. Nikki walked back to her car, suddenly feeling very alone and very concerned for her lover's security.

* * *

When she pulled into a service station on the drive home to get petrol and some snacks, she rang Leo to ask if she could for go round for dinner if she provided the drinks. Knowing she would be in need of company he agreed, having planned on inviting her anyway.

A few hours later, Nikki pulled up outside Leo's house. She picked up the bottles of wine and her bag and got out of the car before locking it as she walked to his front door. He had clearly been looking for her as when she neared the door he opened it. Seeing the man she considered a father stood there waiting for her, she ran the last few steps before falling into his open arms.

"How are you, Nikki?" Leo asked gently, sensing the female was struggling to hold it together after saying goodbye to her lover.

"I miss him" she said, reaching up with her free hand to wipe a stray tear away. "It's only been a few hours but I miss him so much."

"Of course you do" Leo said kindly, ushering her inside "He wouldn't want you getting upset though. He'll be back before you know it"

"I know" she sniffed, taking a few deep breaths to stop more tears "I'm just so worried about him."

"He'll be fine. He won't do anything stupid out there" Leo said kindly "Now come on, let's get you a drink, Janet's made a fantastic curry for us."

"Ooh, she's a star!" Nikki exclaimed, before handing over the wine "I brought this."

"Thanks" Leo said taking it and following her through to the kitchen where Janet was.

After having had a brief chat with the older woman, Nikki and Leo settled in the living room with a glass of wine each chatting, mainly about work and the excitement of having someone new to work with for a few weeks.

A few hours later, having eaten the curry and shared a tub of ice cream, the trio were giggling over one of Leo's many stories about Harry embarrassing himself at a crime scene.

"So there he was, showing off impressing one of the police sergeants..."

"Who quite frankly was ugly" Nikki said interrupting Leo.

"You have to say that now you're together" Janet laughed.

"No, she really was, dear" Leo said "Anyway, Harry was trying to impress her saying various things about how the individual had died, clearly flirting at the same time. He spotted something a couple of feet away, just beyond a muddy patch. Leaned over to get a closer look and ended up face down in the puddle. To top it all off the police officer wasn't interested even when he was mud-free."

"Poor thing," Janet said, chuckling "At least now he knows only one woman can withhold sex from him when he's an idiot!"

"I'd better be the only one" Nikki said with mock anger.

"Well he won't be getting any for a few weeks, that's for sure" Janet said.

"Oh, we made up for that this morning, don't you worry. He's very talented" Nikki said with a grin, before letting her mind wander back to their antics.

"I really didn't need to know that, Nikki...again" Leo said as he stood up, laughing. "I'm going up to bed anyway. Feel free to stay a little longer if you want, it's still pretty early."

"Oh no, I'll be off. I was thinking I should be going soon anyway – it's been a long day, and I'll need to get in early to finish that report before Matt shows up" she said.

"Why couldn't Harry have just cloned himself? ...say nothing Nikki!" Leo said with a chuckle.

"Well it would be helpful while he's away," she agreed, standing up "and when he's back too" winking at Janet who just laughed as Leo groaned.

"Like you wouldn't think the same if I mentioned cloning myself," Janet said with a pointed look at Leo.

"True, true" he said with a smile, holding his hands up in mock defence.

"Well I'd best be off. Thanks for having me, it's been a lovely evening." Nikki said

"It's been lovely having you" Janet said, also standing as Nikki began to make her way out of the living room towards the front door with Leo.

"I'll see you in the morning. Don't worry too much about Harry, he'll be fine" Leo reassured her, hugging her.

"I'll try not to. I wonder how he's feeling" Nikki said, "He'll be loving it, I'd imagine."

Leo chuckled at this before stepping back to allow Nikki through the door.

"Bye" Nikki said, "And thanks."

"See you soon" Janet and Leo said in unison, standing at the door until Nikki had got in her car and driven off.

"Bedtime I think" Leo said, yawning as he shut the door.

"What, in case I withhold sex for a few weeks?" Janet teased, winking.

"After my imminent performance you won't be able to bear the thought of not making love to me." Leo said, kissing his partner

"Well we'll have to see, won't we?" Janet said, grasping her lover's hand and leading him upstairs.

* * *

**So er...Two Harry's ;) **

**Reviews are always loved  
**


	3. Chapter 3

Out in Afghanistan, Harry was well into being accepted as 'one of the boys' by the troops he would be living with for the near future. James, the CSM had made it his job to make sure he was ok, as well as getting a couple of the more junior troops to keep an eye on him too. They were all used to the environments and had been trained and prepared for them – Harry had come in blind, not having a clue what to expect. He would be briefed on his role the following morning but in the meantime was making friends and playing cards with the boys he'd be sharing a tent with. Alf was the most senior in there, being a Corporal, and was also one of the Company's medics. Below him were Lance Corporals' Luke and Ben, and Privates' Scott and Pete. As they were nearing the end of a game, Harry's phone beeped signalling he had a message. He pulled it out, grinning when he saw who it was from. This was noticed by the lads he was with and they responded with loud "Oooh" 's and "Harry's in lurrvvee."

"_Missing you loads, snuggled up in bed having an early night wishing you were here too. Hope you're enjoying it out there. Love you xxx_" the message read.

Harry flicked two fingers at the boys, laughing before replying quickly. "_Missing you too, but it's great so far. Just beating the boys at card games, will start work in the morning. Surely you should stay safe too? Who's gonna rescue you while I'm away? :p love you so much xxx_"

"Is she a looker, Harry?" Pete said, grinning.

"Could be a he?" Ben said, causing the group, including Harry to laugh.

"He's hot...but straight, that's for sure" Luke said, pretending to be heartbroken.

"Sorry guys, it's a lady, and yes, definitely a looker" Harry said grinning as his phone beeped in his hand.

"She's got him under the thumb guys. How long have you been together?" Luke asked.

"1 year tomorrow, known her for around 7 years though." Harry said as he opened the text.

"_The boys? No pretty ladies to distract you then? :) I'll get your replacement to be my bodyguard, can't be attacked then! YAY! I'm off to sleep now to get an early night – tomorrow's gonna be a looonnngg day with the newbie. Love you xx"_

"_No pretty ladies yet, and even if some do show up I won't be distracted by them - I've got you 3 I will be sleeping with 5 men every night though :p love you forever xx" _Harry replied quickly, before turning his attention back to the soldiers.

"You back with us now? Alf asked, waving the pack of cards at Harry as they started a new game.

"Yea, sure."

"Alright" Alf said, shuffling the cards "So, this girl of yours – took you 7 years to get her?

"Well 6, but yes, I loved her the second I saw her, she did too, but somehow we didn't realise it until recently" Harry replied.

"No drunken shags along the way then?" Pete asked.

"Not with her, no. Just the one kiss a while back" Their faces urged him on "We escaped from a conference, and went to a pub. She was rambling on about how she was going to be single forever, so I kissed her...I passed it off as being to shut her up."

"I'm surprised she let you out here if it's taken her this long to get you" Scott said.

"She didn't want me to come, I don't think, but at the same time she said she didn't feel she could stop me" Harry said.

"If she'd asked you to stay, would you have?" Alf asked.

"Almost certainly. I know it's my decision ultimately, but she gets a say now we're together and I totally respect her views. Anyway, enough about me, I want to learn more about you guys" Harry said.

"Well, I'm 25, born and bred in Sheffield. Signed up when I was 17 and have been with the Army ever since. Married my girl Jo 3 years ago, and little Johnny came along 2 years ago" Alf said, pulling out a photo of him and his family.

"Aww, cute. I bet he misses you." Harry said smiling at the photo.

"He sure does, and I miss him so much too. Seeing his face light up when we get back is great though" Alf replied.

"I'm 21, born in Sydney, then moved to London 5 years ago. I join the Army a little over 2 years ago when I finished college. My bird, Lisa, is 6 months pregnant with our first kid at the moment" Ben said, smiling at the thought.

"So you'll be out here when it's born then" Harry said, working out the dates.

"Sadly yes, not a lot I can do about it though, I'll get photos soon enough" Ben replied.

"Do you know what you're having?" Harry asked.

"No, we're keeping that a surprise. Lisa's convinced it's a boy though" Ben answered.

"I'm 27. Lived in Birmingham all my life. I've been in the Army for 6 years now, and been with my husband Chris for 12, married for 2" Luke said.

"Wow, you got together pretty young...not that there's anything wrong with that, but often teenage relationships don't last" Harry commented.

"Oh, no, I know. I'd never dated, or even kissed anyone before him, yet I knew he was the one for me the moment I saw him" Luke said happily.

"Sorry to interrupt you lads" James, the RSM said as he entered the tent. "Harry, can I have a word outside please?"

"Sure" Harry said, standing and making his way outside.

"Right, in the morning, after breakfast and the briefing, we'll head over to the site. The lads from your tent will be there for extra protection...which is why we've put you in with them. There will also be myself, and Lieutenant Colonel Anderson will be leading the mission – I believe you already know him" James said.

"Yes, I spent some time in America when I finished uni, which is where I met him. We became good mates instantly and we've kept in touch ever since. I haven't seen him for a few years though since his last trip to London." Harry explained.

"So I heard. He did seem rather pleased when he found out you'd agreed to come out here. Everything else you need to know will be explained at the briefing, but make sure you bring all your equipment and body armour with you to it. Oh, and don't worry too much, our boys are all used to these situations and will look after you if anything goes wrong. Get some rest now, it's nearing midnight and we've got an early start in the morning."

"Okay thank you, goodnight" Harry replied, turning to go back inside as the RSM waved a goodbye.

The following morning, Harry was the first to wake in the room, having showered and dressed before the others awoke. He was knelt on the floor by his bed checking through his kit when Alf awoke, who immediately jumped out of bed and woke the other lads.

"Come on boys, 15 minutes til breakfast. Don't know about you, but I'm starving!" he said cheerily before heading out to the showers.

Luke dressed quickly before heading over to Harry and crouching next to him.

"You okay this morning?" he asked kindly.

"Yea, missing Nikki though," Harry replied, smiling at the thought of his lover.

"Of course, when we get back why not give her a call?"

"I'd be able to?" Harry asked.

"Sure, contact with families is only limited if there's been an incident out here. Otherwise, if you've got free time you can call them." Luke explained.

* * *

In London, Nikki woke early. She'd slept badly overnight, not having spent a night away from Harry since their relationship started. She dragged herself out of bed to shower, before returning to the bedroom to pick out her clothes for the day. As she opened the wardrobe, she remembered about the gift Harry had told her he'd hidden in there. Almost instantly she saw a gift-wrapped box, which when she opened it she saw contained the very necklace, and the earrings that matched it, she had been looking at only a week or two earlier with Harry. She grabbed her phone from the bedside table and texted Harry wishing she could be with him rather than miles away on a different continent. _"I just opened the gift you got me. I love them, as I'm sure you know, but you shouldn't have spent so much on me. I miss you so much, stay safe and I'll see you soon. Love you xxx"_

She put her phone in her bag, before dressing quickly and gathering everything she needed for work, then left the house pausing only to grab some fruit from the kitchen for breakfast.

In Afghanistan, Harry had just come out of the briefing and pulled his phone out of his pocket as he felt it vibrate. He read the message from Nikki grinning, before replying _"The money isn't a problem, I knew you wanted them. I can't wait to see you wearing them. Just about to go to the site, will try to ring you later. Miss you too, xxx"_

He turned his phone off, putting it back in his pocket as he heard someone call his name. He looked up and saw Richard striding towards him.

"Hey" Harry said, pulling the man into a hug as they met. "How are you?"

"Good thanks, you? It's great to see you again!" Richard replied, smiling.

"Yea, not too bad. Can't wait to get to the site now."

"Great, well the boys are just getting into the vehicles, it's about a 20 minute drive, so not long to wait. It's an interesting case as you heard."

"Yea" Harry said, nodding

"So how is it all in London, got yourself a wife yet?" Richard asked as they walked over to the armoured jeeps that would take them to the site.

"No, not yet. I am with someone though – Nikki from work. You met her when you last visited." Harry explained.

"Ah, the pretty blonde one? How long have you been together?" Richard asked.

"That's her. 1 year today"

"But you've liked her forever...you only got her a year ago?" Richard asked chuckling.

"Yes" Harry said sheepishly as they reached the vehicles and climbed into the back of one together.

* * *

Nikki had reached the Lyell Centre by half 7, arriving just after Leo. Harry's cover was due to arrive at 9, so she had got in early to finish off a report about a case she'd worked on where 4 people had been brutally murdered in the same manner, with their bodies dumped in 4 different places a few days apart each time. Now, at 5 to 9 she was sat in Leo's office on the sofa having just greeted Matt.

"Well I started off as a normal pathologist, like you guys, but then decided I wanted more. I'd always wanted to join the forces, so decided to do that and get the best of both worlds" He said, grinning widely at his new workmates.

"So how long ago did you sign up then?" Leo asked.

"6 years ago now..." Matt replied, breaking off as the phone on Leo's desk began to ring.

"Professor Dalton," Leo said answering, grabbing a pen and paper "Right, okay...yes we'll send someone over. Thank you, bye"

"A body?" Nikki asked, eager to get to work.

"Yes, 2 of them." Leo replied, handing her the paper with the location written on it. "Matt, fancy going along?"

"Sure thing!" He replied, standing as Nikki did so and following her out of the office.

* * *

In Afghanistan, Harry had arrived at the site and, with Richard, had already got into the swing of things treating this as any other crime scene, while the soldiers started keeping watch on the surrounding area in case of attack.

"What do you make of this?" Harry asked, pointing to a blood-stained slash in the wall.

"Looks like a machete did it" Richard said after examining it for a moment. "Grab the photo's out my case? It could match with the wounds on some of the bodies."

"There you go" Harry said, passing him the photos. "Looks similar to me...almost as if it was one swipe of the blade that did both marks. Wait – those are chemical burns right?"

"Sure are. From what we can tell, the knives used had the chemicals poured over them so as they cut into the skin, they also burned."

"Ouch" Harry said, wincing.

"That's one word for it..." Richard broke off hearing rounds of gunfire close by.

"CONTACT" multiple voices yelled from outside, as they returned fire.

"Shit" Richard muttered, gathering any equipment in the room and putting it away before grabbing his weapon. "Stay by me, Harry. My orders are to get you back safely if anything like this happened."

"Okay" Harry said, trying to hide his fear knowing everyone around him had to deal with this daily out here.

"You're gonna have to be quick if you want to get the civvie out, they're closing in fast" Ben said as they left the building. "It's looking like a big ambush – I've called in air support, it'll be here in 3 minutes sir."

"Thank you, Corporal. Harry, change of plan. Get back inside the building until the choppers show up, we'll get you on one of those if it's safe for them to land." Richard said, before raising his weapon and firing multiple rounds in the direction of the enemy.

"MEDIC!" a voice yelled urgently.

Harry looked round to see who was injured, and noticing Rich motioning for him to go and help out. He scanned the area again, before moving over to the casualty, realising as he crouched down next to them, that it was Luke.

"What do you want me to do?" He asked Alf, who was already treating him.

"Start putting pressure on the leg wound, once the bleed has slowed, wrap this round it" he replied, passing Harry a field dressing. "You're doing fine buddy, stay with me, Luke."

"MEDIC!" another voice called out.

"Shit, Harry can you cope here? The chest wound needs pressure applying too." Alf said.

"Sure, go." He replied, adjusting his position so he was putting pressure on the leg wound with his leg, so his hands were free to apply pressure to Luke's chest.

"They're trying to flank us, watch your backs boys" Rich called, as they all heard the Apache's arrive overhead and open fire on the enemy positions.

Suddenly there were a number of explosions around the site, throwing massive clouds of dirt up into the air, followed by multiples calls for medics. Harry felt a sharp pain in his back, and cried out involuntarily before everything went black.

* * *

**I'm so evil :p**

**Harry's presents for Nikki: bit . ly / JMvORF and bit . ly / JoEiQW (delete spaces) ... anyone want to buy them for me?**


	4. Chapter 4

**So...thanks for the lovely reviews. I meant to post this sooner, but work has been insane the last few days.**

**Warnings for this chapter, and possibly the next few - fairly detailed/explicit mentions of sexual abuse/rape, and a few swears along the way.**

* * *

It had been a long day at the Lyell Centre. Nikki and Matt were not getting on well - he claimed it was a personality clash and that she was missing Harry, while she had told Leo, in detail, about the basic errors he had made, both at the site they had been to, and during the PM. She was now curled up on the sofa in her pyjamas watching the end of a film that had been on when she'd sat down with her dinner. She pulled out her phone, not having heard from Harry since the morning, and typed out a quick message. _"Heya, missing you lots. Your replacement is worse than you :p How's it going? Still having fun? Love you loads, stay safe Niks xxx" _

As the film finished, she picked up her plate and glass, and carried them into the kitchen, before loading and setting the dishwasher. She walked back through the living room to the bedroom, switching off the tv as she did so. As she got into bed and drifted off to sleep, she had a worrying feeling in her stomach for the safety of her lover, still unaware than anything was actually wrong.

The following morning, she was awoken early by a persistent knock on the door. She pulled on her dressing gown before going to answer it, seeing two figures at the door as she approached. When she opened it, she saw they were both from the Army.

"Dr Alexander?" the older one asked solemnly.

"Yes...Harry?" she said faltering, sensing the reason behind their visit.

"Yea, ma'am" the other said. "May we come in?"

"Yes, of course." She replied, showing them into the living room. "Mind if I just..."

"Certainly, we realise it's early" the first said as she left to get changed.

Once she was in the bedroom she rang Leo, who answered almost immediately.

"Leo, can you come round? Something's happened to Harry!" she said frantically.

"Nikki, calm down. What's happened?" Leo said, concerned for the couple.

"I don't know, but some military people have arrived, something's wrong Leo..."

"Nikki, I...look, I'll leave now, just try to stay calm, okay?"

"I need him to be alright Leo."

"I know, I know. I'm on my way out now, I'll be there in 10 minutes, okay?"

"Thanks Leo" Nikki said, ending the call, before dressing quickly, then composing herself for the news about her lover.

"Can I get you tea, coffee or something?" she asked the two men as she walked back into the living room.

"No thanks" they both said.

"I'm Sgt Davies, this is Cpl Hall" the older one said "I think you know we're here about your partner, Dr. Cunningham."

"Yes, what's happened? Is he..." Nikki stopped as she sat down opposite them, unable to voice her worst fears.

"No" Cpl Hall said kindly. "He'll live, but he is seriously injured. He was out at the site when the squad he was with came under attack. 2 of them were injured before he was. He was helping one of them, who should make it, when he was injured. He was hit in the back by shrapnel from a mortar."

"Oh my god" Nikki gasped "How bad are his injuries?"

"Well, the initial wound isn't too bad. It's deep and will scar, but shouldn't take too long to heal. The shrapnel hit his spine though. Our surgeons managed to remove it all, but are unsure at the moment how, or if, it will affect his mobility – he's in an induced coma at the moment." Sgt Davies finished.

They were interrupted by another knock on the door. "Excuse me" Nikki said, standing and going to answer it, hoping it would be Leo. As she opened the door, she did indeed see Leo standing there. He pulled her into a hug quickly.

"What's happened?" he asked when he released her.

"He's alive. Badly injured though - they don't know if he'll be able to walk" she said quietly.

"Oh god" Leo sighed. "At least he's still with us though."

"Yes, I thought the worst when I saw them at the door" She said, leading him into the living room where the men still were. "Leo, this is Sgt Davies and Cpl Hall. This is my good friend and colleague Leo, who also works with Harry." She said, before the men exchanged greetings.

"Harry is being flown back to England as we speak. He will be taken to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham, as all military patients are. This is my card – call me if you need anything" Sgt Davies said, standing, then handing it to Nikki.

"Thank you" she said "When will I be able to visit him?"

"Again, it depends on the severity of his injuries, but someone from the hospital will be in touch with you to let you know." Cpl Hall explained.

"Okay." Nikki said, showing the men out of the room, and then house.

"I hope he's ok" Sgt Davies said, as he walked through the front door.

"Thank you, and thanks for coming." Nikki said.

"Not a problem. Bye now" he said, before walking away to the car.

"Nikki" Leo said, now standing in the hallway "I really need to get back. Are you okay on your own? I can ring Janet if you want? She's off today."

"No, I'll be fine...I think. I might pop round later to see her though, fill her in on everything."

"Alright. Call me if you need anything." He said, moving through the door before hugging her again. "You'll see him soon."

"I know. Thank you, Leo" she said, standing at the door before waving as he drove off.

* * *

That evening, Harry had arrived at hospital, and had begun to regain consciousness, though was still groggy and not fully aware of what had happened.

"You were injured in Afghanistan, Dr Cunningham. You'll be okay, we're going to take good care of you" Nurse Johnson told him kindly.

"Nikki..." he murmured. "Luke?"

"Your girlfriend has been informed" she said "I'm sure she'll be here just as soon as you're allowed visitors."

Harry smiled, then groaned internally knowing how worried Nikki would have been. "When will that be?" he asked, eager to see her.

"That depends on what the doctors say, but maybe tomorrow or the day after" she replied.

"Okay, thanks" he said with a yawn. "Luke, er Lance Corporal Jones...what happened to him?"

"He's here. You helped save his life."

"He's okay?"

"He will be with time. Get some rest now" she said gently "You need your energy to get better."

* * *

The next day, Nikki went into work. Not knowing if she'd be able to visit Harry yet, she decided it was better to do that than mope around his house all day worrying. She had just completed a PM and was changing out of her scrubs when she heard the door to the changing room creak open.

"Nikki?" Matt called "You in here?"

"Yes, won't be a minute" she replied, zipping up her skirt.

"It's okay, I just wanted a quick word" he said, stepping into the room. "I, er, I heard what happened to Harry. How are you coping?"

"I'm doing okay" she said, shutting her locker door and throwing her scrubs into the laundry basket. "I should be able to go and visit him soon."

"Do they know if he'll be able to walk yet?" He asked, moving much closer to her. "A pretty thing like you shouldn't have a cripple as their boyfriend."

"I beg your pardon?" Nikki said, not believing what she had heard.

"You're hot. You shouldn't be stuck with some guy in a chair just because you were with him before he was hit" Matt said with a sneer.

"How dare you!" she yelled, slapping him. "I love Harry and wouldn't leave him just because he couldn't walk...and anyway, he might make a full recovery!"

"What if he doesn't though? What if his dick's useless too? I bet that'd change things" he said, leering at her as he grabbed his crotch and pushed her back against the lockers, trapping her there.

"It wouldn't. Matt, this isn't appropriate. Can you leave me alone please?" Nikki asked, worried.

"I thought I'd show you what it's like to have a man who can use his dick, and use it well, then you can decide if you really want to stay with Harry" He snarled, sliding his hand up inside her skirt before forcing his fingers between her legs and inside her.

"Matt! What the hell? Get off me, NOW!" she cried.

"Soon, just let me show you a good time first" he said, as he ran his other hand over her chest, squeezing one of her breasts before removing his fingers from inside her and unzipping his jeans exposing his hard cock.

"No! Matt, stop it, please. I don't want this" she said, trying to push him away, but failing as he pinned her against the lockers and placed a hand over her mouth.

"Hush now; it'll be over quicker if you make it good for me. Cry out and I'll make sure you never see Harry again." he whispered in her ear as he pulled her knickers down and began to push his cock inside her.

Nikki resigned herself to silence and compliance, her eyes full of fear as her attacker thrust deeper and deeper into her, giving up on fighting against him and letting him use her body to get his kicks.

"Now then, you could stay with Harry and never get laid, or leave him and get it whenever you want" he said with an evil grin, removing his hand from over Nikki's mouth for a response.

"I'd choose Harry" she spat "Always."

"I'll get you thinking the other way. You'll see" he said menacingly, thrusting harder into her over and over. He leant his weight on her body and pushed his forearm into her throat until she was gasping for breath. Moments later he moaned loudly and bit into her shoulder as he came inside her causing her to cry out. "Shut it" he yelled, punching her in the face.

"You bastard" she cried "You won't get away with this."

"Oh I think I will" he said, tucking himself back into his trousers and leaving the room without looking back.

"Fuck" Nikki whispered, tears streaming down her face as she slid to the floor hating herself.

Half an hour later, Leo was on the hunt after Matt had said Nikki was in a mood. He pushed open the doors to the changing room and called for her, waiting, only to hear muffled sobs.

"Nikki?" He repeated, stepping into the room and seeing her on the floor, rushing over to her. "What is it? Are you okay? Is Harry?"

"Him, he's sick. Matt, he..." she gasped, holding back tears "He..."

"Nikki, what happened to your face?" he asked as she looked up "And your clothes?"

"He attacked me" she said quietly "He called Harry a cripple and said he'd show me what it was like to have a 'real' man so I could decide if I wanted to stay with him or not."

"What a bastard. Nikki...I need to ask what he did. Should I get the Police?" Leo asked gently, sitting next to her and putting an arm round her.

"He...he raped me Leo" she whispered, before turning hysterical. "I tried to stop him, I said no, but he wouldn't!"

"Alright" he said "He can't hurt you now. Let's go to my office, and then we can sort this out. Okay?"

"Okay" she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Nikki, do you want to report him? I'll make the call if you do?" He asked, wanting to get the man put away for his attack.

"I, I can't let him get away with it Leo" she said quietly.

"So yes then?" he checked.

"Yes, he seemed so nice though."

"I know, I know."

"Leo? You found her?" Stan, the security guard asked as he pushed open the door.

"Yes. I need to take her into my office...get Matt away from there, please."

"What's he done?" Stan asked.

"I'll explain later. Can you call the Police too?"

"Certainly Prof, we'll be in the corridor outside the offices if you need me."

"Thanks" Leo said as Stan left the room, before addressing Nikki again "Right, let's get you out of here." He helped her stand, supporting her as she re-arranged her clothes, and couldn't help but notice the marks and bruises already appearing over her body.

Once in his office, Leo sat Nikki on the sofa before stepping out into the corridor where Matt was being watched by Stan.

"You" Leo snarled "What the hell were you playing at? Did you think you'd get away with it?"

"Yes, but getting away with it wasn't a concern. She shouldn't get stuck with a cripple out of pity so I wanted to show her one option."

"She won't be with him out of pity" Leo yelled. "Nikki loves Harry more than anything, and that's why she'll stay with him, you sick bastard."

"Prof – Police are here" Stan interrupted.

"Thank you. Hand him over to them before I do something I'll regret. I have to go and make sure Nikki's okay after what this beast did to her" Leo said.

Back inside his office, he crouched in front of Nikki who was sat with her head in her hands.

"Nikki? You're safe now" He said, placing his jacket round her trembling figure. There was then a knock at the door, followed by Zak poking his head round it.

"Sorry Leo...oh, Nikki, you okay?" He asked as he saw the state the woman was in.

"Not really Zak" Leo answered for her "What did you want?"

"Oh...there's a woman on the phone for her – she works at the hospital Harry's at. Shall I just take a message?" Zak said.

"Harry?" Nikki glanced up at the mention of her love "Let me speak to her."

"You sure you're okay to?" Leo checked as Zak passed her the phone before leaving the office.

"Yes" she answered, before taking the call "Hello, Nikki Alexander speaking...Yes...Right, okay...Okay, do you know how long that will take?..Sure, and when will I be able to visit him?..Okay, I'm needed in London for the next day or so, but can visit after that...Right, thank you very much...yes, thanks for calling...bye."

"Well?" Leo prompted.

"He can't move his legs, Leo, but they say he should be able to walk in time once the wounds have healed and he gets his physio done. How do I tell him though, how can I after what he's been through?"

"I can come with you if you'd like? It won't make it easier, but it's extra support."

"Thank you, that'd be good."

"Anything for you, Nikki" He said kindly, as there was another knock at the door. "Yes?"

"Professor Dalton. I wish I was here in better circumstances" Inspector Evans said as he entered. "My men have arrested Matt already; he's on his way to a cell. Dr Alexander, we're going to need a statement, and to do a medical for evidence back at the station."

"Okay, Leo can you..."

"Come with you?" he asked as she stood shakily then nodded. "Of course."

Just over 2 hours later, Leo was sat outside the medical room at the police station waiting for Nikki. Seeing the door open he stood instantly, wrapping his arms round her when she reached him.

"All done?" he asked gently.

"Yea...he wasn't safe Leo, I didn't realise at the time! What if he's given me something?" She said anxiously.

"I'm sure it'll all be fine...they've done all the tests haven't they?" he checked.

"Yes, but..."

"Well then, if...and it's only if he has, it'll be picked up quickly, okay?" he said, doing his best to comfort her.

"I know it's just...oh I feel so stupid for letting this happen, Leo!" she exclaimed.

"You didn't let this happen, Nikki. You tried to stop him, right?"

"Yes, of course" she said.

"There you go then, look, let's get out of here. If you want, you can stop with me and Janet for a bit, we can pick up some of your things on the way" he suggested.

"Thank you, I'm not sure I fancy being alone right now" she admitted.

"Okay, come on then" he said, putting his arm round her and walking out of the station with her.

* * *

Two days later, against Leo's advice, Nikki went back work.

"Just take it easy, and if you decide you don't want to be there, just let me know and you can go, okay?" He'd said, finally giving in to her over breakfast.

"How you getting on?" he asked her later that morning as he left his office to get a fresh coffee.

"Fine, just getting the report finished on the latest murder victim. It's looking to be linked to the others we've dealt with recently, the victim fits the age range, injuries are similar – almost identical. If only Matt hadn't messed up...oh!.." she said, trailing off as she had an idea.

"What?" Leo asked, passing her a mug of coffee.

"Thanks. The crime scene we went to together. One DNA profile we found matched those on the other bodies, but because Matt contaminated some of the evidence, we automatically assumed any DNA on those two bodies that was his was because of his mistake. I didn't think to check his profile against DNA on the other bodies...Am I just trying to frame him because of what happened?" she asked, doubting herself.

"Maybe, but at the same time, it makes sense. I'll get Zak to compare the profiles if you want."

"Thanks, it might be a coincidence, but something just doesn't seem right about it," she said.

"I know what you mean. Look, I'm heading out for lunch with Janet in about half an hour, she wanted to know if you fancied coming along?" he asked.

"Oh, I'd love to. I could do with getting out of here for a bit" she said.

Okay. Look, when you've finished that report, why not take the rest of the day off? Do you want to go and see Harry tomorrow too?"

"If it's okay I'd like to, yes."

"Sure, no problem, I'll let Zak know he'll be in charge for the day." Leo said, "We'll set off early to give you as much time with Harry as possible."

"Thanks Leo, I really appreciate this."

"No problem. Now hurry up and get that finished, I've got an empty stomach that needs filling" he said, chuckling as he walked back into his office.

* * *

The next morning, Harry was restless being stuck in his bed all the time.

"The Doctor said we can get you in a wheelchair later today so you can get some fresh air, and you'll be starting your physio tomorrow. It'll take time, but you'll be walking again soon," the nurse said.

"Do you have any idea how long it'll be?" Harry asked.

"It varies person to person, we have to wait for the movement to come back, and then build up strength in your muscles before we can get you standing and then walking. Having said that, Sgt Bradshaw in the next bed to you has been here 3 weeks, and has just regain feeling in his legs. We should have him up and walking in a week or so I would have thought," the Nurse said.

"You talking about me again, Luce?" a voice said cheerily, before pulling across the curtain between the beds to show its face.

"Would I ever, Lewis?" the nurse said with a grin. "Dr Cunningham here is in a similar situation to you, Sgt."

"I see. How long had you been out there?" he asked, now addressing Harry.

"Not even 24 hours" Harry said, shaking his head.

"Surely that's a record, eh Luce?" Lewis said, chuckling.

"Shortest I've dealt with" the nurse replied. "I'll let you boys chat for a while, some us here have jobs to do."

"Alright Luce. Where were you stationed Cunningham?" He asked

"Harry, please. Bastion, I'm not actually in the forces though, I was out there as a civilian – I'm a Pathologist and a friend in the Army wanted my help on a case he was working on." he explained.

"So what happened to you?" Lewis asked.

"The unit I was with came under attack, choppers were called in and just before they arrived someone was injured. I went to help, then we started getting hit with mortars. That's when I took a piece of shrapnel from one in the back."

"Nasty, well I'm sure you'll be fixed in no time. It's a great team they've got here."

"So I've heard." Harry said, smiling.

"Come on, Sgt, time for you physio session" the nurse said as she reached their beds again.

"I'll always have time for a workout with you, Luce" Lewis said as he chuckled and winked at her.

"Now now, you know I'm taken" she said, laughing at the man much younger than she was.

"And I'm sure your fine husband wouldn't mind being traded in for a younger model...although, sorry Luce, I think I'll take that pretty thing over there" he said, seeing a blonde woman walk into the ward and make her way to the Nurse's Desk.

"Nikki!" Harry exclaimed, seeing his lover, with his boss not far behind her.

"Oh, Harry" Nikki said, walking the short distance to his bed.

"How are you, my love?" He said, kissing her tenderly. "What happened to your face?"

"I'm okay, I'll explain later. More importantly how are you?" she said, as she sat on the edge of his bed.

"Not too bad, though I think Sgt Bradshaw here might be heartbroken now you're taken as well as his favourite nurse" he said, motioning at Lucy.

"Come on Sgt, let's leave Harry alone with his visitors. I need to get you to physio" she said.

"Alright" he said, sliding himself out of his bed into the waiting wheelchair, before making his way out of the ward followed by Lucy.

"Good to see you Harry," Leo said.

"And you boss" Harry replied."You sure everything's okay Niks, you look concerned about something"

"I was just worried about you, I'm fine now I've seen you're okay," she lied.

"Come on, Niks. I'm not stupid...Leo do you know what's going on?"

"It's not my place to tell you. Nikki, do you want me to wait outside while you speak to Harry?" he said.

"Please" she nodded.

"Nikki, what is it?" Harry asked, taking her hand.

"I, I don't know where to begin" she said, her voice quivering.

"At the very beginning, a very good place to start" he said with a chuckle, trying to lighten the situation.

"Harry" she scolded. "Don't go mad when you hear...listen to what I say, and Harry, I love you so much."

"I love you too, Nikki, now what on earth has happened?" he asked gently.

"I, I'd just completed a PM, and Matt came into the changing rooms."

"Matt?"

"Your cover. He was asking how you were, and then he..." she shook her head at the memory of it, "he called you a cripple. He said I shouldn't stay with you out of pity, but should find a real man."

"How dare he?" Harry interrupted.

"That's not all, love. He..." she trailed off, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Oh Nikki, my love, what's happened?" he said, pulling her into a hug, a worrying suspicion forming in his mind.

"I'm so sorry, Harry" she said between sobs.

"Hey, come on now, it'll be okay" he said firmly but kindly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "What's he done?"

"He..." she sat back and paused, summoning the courage to tell Harry "He came onto me...forced himself on me. He raped me, Harry."

"Fucking bastard!" Harry yelled before taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. "Niks, you poor thing...I wish I hadn't gone away."

"It's not your fault Harry" she said, kissing him softly.

"It's not yours either. Men like that are scum; they'll do whatever it takes to get what they want." For the first time, Harry found himself grateful that his injuries forced him to stay in bed, stopping him from harming Matt.

"I know" she said, sitting back to face him, "I just..."

"Just nothing" he said, wiping away her tears. "You went to the police about it, right?"

"Yes, of course. I wasn't going to let him get away with it" she said.

"Good. We'll get through this Niks. I'm here now" He said, hugging her.

"I'm so glad you're back. I missed you so much, Harry."

"I missed you too. I love you."

* * *

**Well, I clearly wasn't going to kill Harry was I? **

**I kinda hate myself for doing that to Nikki, but it just wrote itself, I didn't plan it! :/  
**

**The next few chapters will just be full of angst - enjoy! :D  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Firstly, huge apologies at how long it's taken me to get this chapter up - I hope it's worth the wait. I have so much of this fic written on paper, I just can't get it typed up!  
Secondly, thanks to Lizzieginne, Cariad1987, ScientificAnomaly and call-me-rose for reviewing, means a lot :)  
Thirdly, get reading, then get reviewing!  
**

* * *

"Leo? Fingerprints and DNA from the cases we think are linked have come back. It's an interesting one" Zak said on the phone

"Yea, why?" Leo asked, as he wandered the hospital grounds.

"Only one killer, so they're definitely all linked, and there wasn't a match on the database until 3 days ago" Zak said impatiently.

"So we know who it is?" Leo checked.

"Yes...who do we know who was arrested then?"

"Zak, you can't assume it's Matt just because of that coincidence" Leo sighed "...or are you saying...?"

"Our killers' DNA is an exact match with Matt's. No doubt about it" Zak said.

"Shit. Have you informed the police?"

"Not yet, I thought I'd let you know first."

"I guess Nikki's been even luckier than we thought then," Leo said, his mind wandering back to how Matt's other victims were found.

"Will you let her know now, or wait til she gets back?"

"I'll wait, I think. Don't want to stress her out while she's with Harry."

"Okay, when will you be back?"

"There's a train I can get that leaves in about half an hour or so – I think Nikki may stay overnight and drive back tomorrow though."

* * *

"Now then Dr Cunningham," the nurse said as she pushed aside the curtains round his bed a few hours later "I've allowed you're guest to stay well after visiting...oh."

In front of her, Harry and Nikki lay on the bed, both asleep, Nikki curled up into her partner, him with his arms tight around her protectively.

"Dr. Alexander?" Lucy said gently, shaking the younger woman.

"Mmm, Harry" Nikki mumbled sleepily as she woke "Oh, nurse. Sorry, is everything okay?"

"Yes, fine, just it's quite late. We do have a room with beds in for visitors if you wish to stay overnight, but I really can't let you stay here, sorry."

"That's okay. I should really be getting back anyway" she said, extracting herself carefully from Harry's arms.

"He's not slept without a sedative since he arrived here – you're clearly good for him" Lucy said, smiling.

"I try my best" Nikki said. "I won't wake him then, can I have some paper to leave a note?"

"Of course, I'll just grab you some from the office."

"Thank you" Nikki said as the nurse left, before whispering in the sleeping man's ear "I love you so much Harry."

"Here you go" Lucy said a minute later handing Nikki a paper and pen, before leaving her alone again.

"_Harry, I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye, I didn't want to wake you. The nurse said you haven't been sleeping well – you didn't tell me that did you? Make sure you listen to the staff here, I know you're a Doctor, but you look after the dead patients, these ones know how to help you get better & that's what's important. I love you so much Harry, writing this is so difficult. __I'll understand it if__ - I won't blame you if you don't want 'us' anymore – after what happened to me. I won't contact you, I'll wait for you to do that if you want to– it's your decision. Just as I know you wouldn't force me to stay with you with your injuries, I won't force you to stay with me after this. _

_Nikki x"_

She stood up from the bed, and folded the tear-stained paper placing it under the edge of Harry's pillow before pressing a quick kiss to his lips and walking over to the office Lucy was in.

"You off now?" she asked seeing Nikki approach.

"Yes, thank you for everything," Nikki said, gratefully.

"It's what we're here for. You mean an awful lot to him you know, when he first got here he was drifting in and out of consciousness for a while. Your name was the first thing he said each time he came round."

"He acts all manly, but he's a soppy romantic at heart really" Nikki said with a grin, looking back over to him.

"Don't you worry about him while you're away, he's in good hands"

"I know, thank you. Bye now," Nikki said, walking out of the ward and heading towards the car park. She grabbed her phone out of her bag, sending a quick text to Leo saying that she was on her way back and would be in work the next morning.

* * *

A few hours later Nikki was almost home, though as she neared Ealing Golf Course she noticed a queue of traffic unusual for the late hour. She then spotted the flashing lights of emergency vehicles and, once she'd got as close as she could, went on by foot up to the police cordon.

"Excuse me ma'am, you can't pass through here. Police business" an officer at the cordon said.

"I'm a Home Office Pathologist. Anything I can do?" she said, showing him her ID as she scanned the scene, not spotting any obvious signs of an accident.

"One moment please, I'll just fetch my superior" the young male said.

"Ah, Dr. Alexander" Inspector Evans began a few minutes later as he approached her "Good to see you, how are you...and Dr Cunningham, I heard about his injuries."

"Fine, thank you, he should make a full recovery in time" she replied with a smile as he held up the tape for her to walk under.

"Good, good to hear it. We were about to ring one of your lot, but as you've showed up you saved us a job. Only the one body, male, suspicious death by the looks of it" he said as she pulled on a protective suit "Looks like it happened a few days ago, a passer-by spotted it earlier and called us."

"Okay" Nikki said, crouching at the side of the road next to the corpse. "Do we know who he is yet?"

"We found a driving license on him, we've bagged it to check for prints and authenticity."

"Good, judging by the multiple stab wounds, and lack of blood here, I'd say he wasn't killed here...looks like it would have been a painful way to go."

"Yea?" Evans asked, crouching next to her.

"The bruising and minor cuts suggest some form of attack, or torture took place before he was actually killed, and then there's all the stab wounds – most of them fairly shallow so he might have been bleeding for a while before he was killed. No...this...oh God" Nikki said, sitting on the ground, her hand over her mouth.

"What is it? Are you okay?" Evans asked, concerned for her.

"It has to be...it doesn't fit though. Everything else is the same though."

"Nikki? Have you seen something like this before?"

"The bodies we've investigated recently, the injuries are all the same, but the other victims were all female. This is our only male.

"Interesting" Evans said, as he stood up.

"Sure is. I'll do the PM first thing tomorrow – will you be there?"

"Of course. 10am?"

"Sounds good to me" she said, as she removed her coveralls and left the police cordon.

* * *

Harry had managed to stay asleep for a few hours after Nikki had left. As Lucy, the nurse was checking his obs, he began to wake.

"Niks?" he murmured.

"Harry, it's Lucy," the nurse said gently.

"Where's Nikki?"

"She had to go. She left you a note, under your pillow I think."

"Probably breaking up with me" Harry said sadly.

"Oh, come on now, what's brought this on. Don't make assumptions before you've read it, eh?"

"Why would she want me now? Look at me, my legs don't work – there's no guarantee they ever will, and hell, my dick might not either" Harry said angrily.

"Harry! Come on, it's clear she loves you, she wouldn't leave you because of your injuries, and the doctors have said that in time you should get all movement back, providing you do the physio of course."

"If you say so" Harry said, still sulking.

"Yes, I do. Now I've got to check on my other patients. I can't force you to read the note, but it might do you good," Lucy said before walking away to the next bed.

Harry let out a sigh, feeling very sorry for himself. He sulked for a few minutes longer before spotting the note Nikki had left for him. He picked it up, considering it for a moment before noticing the marks on the paper where her tears had dried. He unfolded it, and began to read it.

Two beds away Lucy was chatting quietly to a patient when she heard a chant of "No no no no NO!" get louder and louder. Knowing who it would be, she ran instantly to Harry's bed.

"Harry? What is it?" she asked as she saw the man in tears, the note abandoned at his side.

"Nikki. Oh, my poor girl" he whispered, shaking his head.

"Harry?"

Harry looked up suddenly, only then realising that Lucy was next to his bed, a worried look on her face.

"She thinks I don't want her anymore."

"You don't want her?" Lucy questioned, unsure as to why this would be the case.

"I want her more than anything...something happened to her – I, I don't know if she'd want me to tell you, but it's clearly made her think I don't want to be with her. Can I use the phone?"

"Harry, it's almost 3am. You can call her first thing after breakfast, okay?

"She needs to know though" Harry pleaded.

"No. Sleep, breakfast, then you can call her, set her straight. Did you say anything that could have made her think like this?"

"No, no. Nothing. I don't know what's making her think like this. I love her! She's the only woman I want" he exclaimed.

"Okay, okay. Look, try to get some rest – I'll give you something to help you sleep if you need it."

"Thank you" Harry said, picking up the note, running a finger over the words sadly.

* * *

**So, this time, the next chapter will be up a lot sooner - especially if you all leave me reviews, it really does help when you do! **

**C x  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to Lizziginne, Cariad1987 and delectabledaisy for reviewing the last chapter.**

* * *

When she had eventually got home, Nikki had fallen into an uneasy sleep, waking regularly after nightmares of her attack plagued her over and over. Eventually she got up, showered and got ready for work, wanting to go through the few evidence bags from the crime scene before starting the PM. As she got out of her car at the Lyell Centre, she spotted Inspector Evans leaning on the bonnet of his ending a call.

"Ah, Dr Alexander. Good morning. We've had something quite interesting show up about the body we got last night so I thought I'd get here early."

"What's that then? ID?" she asked as they walked up to the offices.

"Yes, I'll explain in a moment, but we checked and double checked – the driving licence is definitely real."

"Have the family been informed?"

"Yes, they live in America, our victim did too – he'd only been here a week or so."

"Poor thing." She said, setting her bag down at her desk.

"Yeah...the thing is, what we've found means we've got more work to do elsewhere – someone stole his identity, and we need to find out who he really is."

"Do you know who stole it?"

"Yes, we know exactly who he is – we just don't know his true identity yet, my guys are working on it."

"Has he been arrested?" she asked, pouring coffees for both of them.

"Yes. Nikki, this isn't going to be easy. The driving license identified the body as that of a Matthew Wrayson..."

"Matt?" she faltered, before sitting down "But how?"

"Matt – the guy pretending to be Matt for some reason stole his identity, then presumably killed him."

"But that means, might mean..." Nikki corrected herself, pausing to drink her coffee.

"What?" Evans inquired.

"I need to look into it more, I could just be seeing what I think I'm seeing because of the attack, but Matt – fake Matt might have had something to do with the killings of those women recently, the injuries seem so similar - I'll know more after the PM" she explained.

"Oh shit. Okay, look, I'll get the boys at the station to mention it when they question him, see if they come up with anything."

"Morning, Nikki. Ah, Inspector Evans, how are you?" Leo said as he strolled in.

"Fine, thank you. We were just discussing Matt and...well, Matt no.2"

"Matt no.2?" Leo asked, confused.

"Matt, the one that was here, he wasn't actually Matt Wrayson. He turned up last night – dead."

"Ah, about this 'fake' Matt, Inspector, I meant to let you know about our findings" Leo said. "We got the DNA samples back from the latest victim – same killer as the others, Dr Khan ran it through the database and, for the first time, found a match...Ma –'Fake' Matt."

"I knew it" Nikki said quietly. "Shit."

"Thank god we've got him...so what are we thinking? He killed those women, killed the real Matt so he could get in here to what? Cover up the murders, and then attacked Nikki because, because he could – sorry Nikki" Evans said, running through everything.

She brushed off his comment with a wave of a hand as his phone rang and he left the room to take the call.

"Right," he said when he came back in "He's confessed to it all, and we have a name – we've got someone checking it's actually him, but either way he'll be inside for a long time."

"And rightly so" Nikki said, seeing Leo nodding in agreement. "Ready for me to get on with the PM?"

Just under 2 hours later, it was done. "You'll have my report in a few hours – provided nothing else turns up" she told Evans as she saw him out of the offices.

"Great, thank you. As soon as we have a court date for him I'll be in touch." He said before hesitating "You will be asked to run the court through the events of your attack you know, as well as reporting on the murders."

"I know, it's okay, if it helps get him locked up it's got to be done" she said with a sad smile.

"Well, yes. I'll see you soon. Let Dr Cunningham know we're all thinking of him down at the station."

"Okay, thanks" she said, watching him walk over to his car before heading back inside.

"Why do I know that name?" Leo questioned as Nikki stood in the doorway of his office.

"Hmm? Polkis?" she queried, as she switched on her mobile.

"Yea, I've a feeling I've heard it before. I'm sure we'll find out if it does mean anything." He said.

"Means nothing to me" she said, before going to sit at her desk, her phone beeping as she did so, indicating one new voicemail message. She wiped a few tears away after listening to it, realising how stupid she'd been to think Harry wouldn't want her any more. She rang him back, getting no answer, then walked back into Leo's office.

"Everything okay, Nikki?" he asked

"Do you mind if I head off once I've done the report? I need to see Harry" she asked, not wanting to explain what had happened between the two of them.

"Of course not, take tomorrow off too if you need to" Leo said kindly.

"Thanks."

* * *

Outside the hospital, Chris wheeled Harry to one of the quieter spots in the flower garden.

"This is beautiful" Harry said.

"I know, Luke proposed to me here. He showed up one day without telling me he had leave, dragged me out here for lunch and then popped the question" Chris said, smiling at the memory.

"Wow. I keep thinking I need to find the perfect time and place to propose to Nikki – if she still wants me that is, but I just think knowing me, I'd just blurt it out after sex or something" Harry said with a chuckle.

"Wait... IF she still wants you?" Chris questioned.

"Yea, er, something happened to her just after my accident, it's making her question things, she doesn't want me to stay with her out of pity, but I'm staying with her because I love her." Harry explained.

"Can I ask what happened?" Chris said uncertainly.

"I, I don't know if she'd want people knowing, it involved someone at work, er..."

"No problem, I don't need to know. You want to get married though? That's great" Chris said.

"Yea, not just yet, we need to sort things out obviously, but I know she's the one" Harry admitted smiling.

"Well, to me at least, no matter how you try to plan it, there will just be a moment that screams at you to ask her there and then to marry you – whether that's after sex or somewhere else."

"True. I've got to make up for missing our first anniversary before that though!"

"Was that while you were out there?" Chris asked.

"Yeah, the day after we flew out – when I got injured. I'd bought her some jewellery I knew she wanted but couldn't justify spending that amount of money on, and booked a table at her favourite restaurant - not that we could go in the end."

"Nice, she likes her jewellery then?"

"Yea, she's fussy over it though, it has to be perfect for her to wear it, and even though these cost a bomb they were right for her. I could tell as soon as we left the shop when she first saw them she just wanted to run back in and buy them" Harry explained.

"Typical woman, eh?" Chris said with a laugh. "Though, to be fair, Luke is just as bad. He bought us both new watches as wedding presents – over a grand each they were, stunning though."

"The watches, or your man" Harry asked with a grin.

"Well, my man obviously, but the watches too, they almost match, but have different stones in the face – mine opals and his topaz," Chris explained.

"Nice. What did you get him?"

"I got the suits. A friend of mine is a bespoke tailor down in London, so we got to pick the exact colour and style, they're amazing – if you ever need one I can get you a good deal from him," Chris offered.

"Wow, thanks, that'd be great. I've got a few but they're just for work things, I'd want a new one for when I get married."

"Sorry to interrupt you boys" they looked up to see one of the hospital porters walking over to them "Chris, Luke is back on the ward from his op, he'll be coming round soon. Dr Cunningham, it's time for your physio session."

"Okay, thanks Steve" Chris said, as the older male walked back in the direction of the hospital "We'd best get you inside then Harry."

"Sure, I'll wheel myself in if you want to get back to Luke" he offered.

"Thanks, but we'll both be going past the physio room so I may as well help out, he's on the same ward as you" Chris explained as they went back inside.

* * *

**I'm not really happy with where this ends, but it had to be here otherwise it would have been a mega-long chapter, so it's being split into two! Already got most of the next chapter typed up though :) **

**I really like knowing what you think of this, so please leave a review - it's so easy to do!  
**

**C x  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**I've been ignoring this for a few 'let's be evil to Nikki' fics, so thought I'd update this one as I'm going away for a few days tomorrow so won't be able to update ANYTHING until next week - and at the same time give you all a bit more Nikki-angst...Oops :p **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Just over an hour later, Nikki had just emailed her report to Evans and was just about to say goodbye to Leo who was engrossed in paperwork on one of his cases when his phone rang.

"Hello..ah, Inspector Evans, how can I help? Polkis, yes I thought the name rang a bell...shit, can you email me the reports? ... Great, thank you...no, she's with me now, you got her report okay I hope?... Good, okay, well yes, I'll let her know about it once I've read them. Okay, thanks for calling, bye."

"What did he want?" Nikki asked, now stood in the door of his office, clearly having heard enough of the conversation.

"Polkis...he's about to email me his file, he's got previous" Leo said as she came in and sat down opposite him.

"Any idea what?"

"Not yet no...ah here we go" he said as the email came through and he opened the file.

"What is it? Is it bad?" she asked.

"Various things, cautioned for shoplifting at 13, sentenced at 16 for...god, rape of two 12 year old girls with a friend, rape and manslaughter of that friend..." he read out, his voice catching in his throat at the crimes. "He served 5 years in a juvenile centre then young offenders and then another 4 in Belmarsh."

"He makes me sick...how can you do that to someone?"

"I don't know Nikki, I really don't...it should mean he gets an even tougher sentence this time round though."

* * *

A few hours later, having done physio and caught up with Luke, Harry was lying on his bed reading a book Chris had passed onto him when he caught sight of a familiar head of blonde hair stood awkwardly near the curtains round his bed.

"Nikki!" he said grinning "I'm so glad you're here."

"I got your message...I'm sorry, I was being stupid" she said, taking a few steps so she was next to the bed, but still looking a little uncomfortable at the situation.

"Oh, love, come here" he said, opening his arms for a hug "I won't break, I'm okay."

She sat on the edge of the bed before leaning against him, breathing in that scent that was so familiar, so comforting, so...Harry, as his arms wrapped around her and she felt a kiss pressed to her hair.

"I'm sorry, I love you...I just...everything that's happened..." she faltered as her eyes filled with tears.

"Hey, it's okay Niks, I love you too –so much" he said, placing a finger under her chin and tilting her head up to stare into her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

"I know, I didn't think you would, I just..." he silenced her with a kiss.

"I'd never leave you, and certainly not because of something that wasn't your fault, I couldn't do that to you" he said. "How're Leo and Janet, and work?"

"Fine, fine...we've found the killer of those girls at last..." she said, filling Harry in on the case, Matt, his death and his imposter.

* * *

Two weeks later and Nikki had been too busy at work to go and visit Harry, though they'd been speaking daily. She had been preparing evidence against Polkis, both for the murders and his attack on her. The trial had started that morning, she was not needed until the following day though, and now, just before heading home was taking once last look through all the documents and notes to make sure she could give a complete case in the dock.

"Oh, I didn't realise you were still here Nikki" Leo said with surprise as he came through from the cutting room.

"Almost done, just making sure I've got everything for tomorrow" she replied.

"Ah yes. I'm meeting Janet for a drink in half an hour, do you want to join us?"

"No thanks, I'm going to head home and ring Harry, thanks though" she said, gathering all the papers and standing up.

"Okay, well, I hope it all goes okay" He said, hugging her.

"Thanks, I'm sure it will be fine" she said, picking up her bag and coat, following him out of the office. "See you Friday!"

"Bye" Leo called with a quick wave as he headed over to his car.

* * *

After a long physio session, Harry was taking a nap on the ward. Chris had just checked on him, when after moving a few beds further down the ward, he heard a sudden cry of pain from his bed.

"Harry? What is it?" he asked as he reached him, having darted back over.

"Pins and needles. Fucking painful ones at that!" Harry said gripping his leg, clearly in agony.

"In your legs? You can feel them?" Chris said with a grin.

"Yes!" Harry said shortly "I can feel them, but fuck it hurts!"

"Okay" Chris said massaging Harry's legs to help the pain. "This is good though, means we can get you walking again soon."

"Can't wait" Harry said with a grin.

"How's the pain now?" Chris checked a few minutes later.

"Fine, feels weird, but not painful."

"Okay, I'll get a doctor to come and check you over, then we can get you a new physio regime sorted."

"Okay, thanks" Harry said, smiling as Chris turned to leave.

* * *

Nikki pulled her car into the driveway of their house, sighing as she picked up her stuff and got out of the car, locking it as she opened the front door. She went straight through to the kitchen, flicking a few switches on the coffee machine. Pouring herself a cup a few minutes later, she rummaged through her bag to find her mobile, selecting Harry's name from her contact list as it began to ring.

"Hello?" she said, answering.

"Hey Niks. Get bored of speaking to the invalid?" the voice said with a laugh.

"Harry! How are you love? I was just about to call you" she said, walking through to the living room, collapsing onto one of the sofas there.

"I'm good thanks. Bored as hell being here, but getting better. You okay?" he asked.

"Yea, fine. I miss you though" she said, a sad smile on her face.

"I miss you too. I have news..."

"Mmm?" Nikki mumbled, taking a sip of coffee.

"I er, I can feel my legs again Niks!"

"What? Really?" She said, grinning.

"Yep, got the feeling back earlier."

"Oh Harry, that's great!"

"I know, it means they can start me on a new lot of physio so I'll be walking again soon."

"That's fantastic! Look, I should be able to come and visit you at the weekend. I've just been so busy planning for the court case."

"It's okay, they've kept me busy here. When does it start?"

"Tomorrow, well today, but my first day's tomorrow."

"You all ready for it?"

"Yea, should be fairly easy as he's confessed, I just have to tell them what he...what he did" she finished quietly.

"Oh Niks, I know. It won't be nice, but it'll help get him locked up for good. It'll be okay."

"I know, I just wish I didn't have to go through it all again."

"Sure, look, give me a ring when you're done, okay?"

"Yea, will do"

"Okay. Look, I've got to go, the Doctor's here, but I'll speak to you tomorrow."

"Yep, I love you."

"Love you too. Can't wait to see you."

"Nor me. Bye love."

"Bye"

"So Harry," the doctor began "Everything seems to be fine with you, the wounds are healing nicely, faster than we'd expect, and you've got the feeling back in your legs. Tomorrow we'll start getting your lower body ready to walk again. When we do get you up, you'll be unsteady for a while – you've been in a chair for nearly a month, but if you stick to the physio and work at it, you'll be walking before you know it."

* * *

"How was it in court?" Harry asked.

"Not too bad," Nikki replied on the phone to him 2 days later, as she made her way across the Lyell Centre's car park. "Tomorrow should be my last day there hopefully so I'll probably come to visit you the day after, unless Leo needs me."

"Great, I can't wait to see you" Harry replied.

"I know, I miss you, I love you. Anything you want me to bring you?"

"Love you too. Maybe a couple of DVD's or something, anything to occupy me really...you" he said chuckling, stopping and frowning as he heard a cry and a clatter of what sounded was Nikki's phone falling to the floor. "Trying to get rid of me love?"

"Help!" he heard Nikki cry out in pain.

"You deserve this, you bitch. This is for Ian" he heard a male voice say viciously.

Ending the call, Harry quickly dialled Leo's number.

"Hello, Profess..." Leo said before Harry cut in.

"Leo, it's Harry. Nikki's in the car park, I think she's being attacked by someone...he said it was for Ian – that's Polkis, right?" Harry said urgently.

"Shit, unlikely to be anyone else. I'm on my way to her Harry, I'll ring you back in a bit" Leo said, before shouting for Zak to follow him and get security as he ran out of the office.

Down in the car park, Nikki had curled into a ball to protect herself as much as possible from the two thugs repeatedly kicking and punching her, before she heard and felt a bone snap in her arm as one of them stamped on it.

"Stop that!" She heard a voice call out, with multiple footsteps running towards her accompanying it. "Leave her alone!"

"We're only having a bit of fun" one of the men said.

"I said stop it!"

Nikki glanced up as no more kicks came her way, seeing two security guards holding her attackers back, with Zak and Leo just behind, who made their way towards her.

"You okay, Nikki?" Leo asked, reaching out to help her up.

"Pretty sure they broke my arm, maybe a few ribs" she said quietly, wincing as she stood up.

"Bastards" Leo muttered, hugging her gently. "Zak, police on their way?"

"Yep" the younger man said.

"Okay. Nikki, let's get you to hospital. Zak, can you let the police know we're at A+E please?"

"Sure thing."

"Thanks" he said before turning to security "When these thugs are off your hands can you get the CCTV footage and pass it on to the police please?"

"No problem, plenty of cameras here so it'll have been captured" one said.

"Okay. Come on then Nikki" Leo said, picking up her things and leading her over to his car, helping her into it and noticing her wince as she sat down.

* * *

"We'll need to get you over to X-Ray to get that arm checked out" the Doctor treating Nikki said about an hour later "Is there any chance you could be pregnant before we do?"

No...well, maybe...I am late, but I put it down to stress what with everything else that's happened" she answered, the thought not having crossed her mind, even though she was over 2 weeks late.

"Okay, I'll get one of the nurses to get a test for you, and then we'll carry on with treating you" he said kindly.

"Thank you."

"No problem. Also, the police are wanting to talk to you, do you feel up to it yet? They'll wait if not."

"No, it's okay, I'll see them" she said.

"Okay, I'll let them know" the doctor said, before leaving the cubicle and Nikki alone with her thoughts.

* * *

**Right, so I'm not entirely happy with this, it's a bit all over the place, but it still works...I hope.**

**Let me know what you thought, I always love getting reviews, even if they're only a few words.**

**I shall do my best to have something ready to upload when I get back, but if not there are plenty of birthday's coming up which I'm writing fics for, so either way there'll be new fic from me soon! :) **

**C x**


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay, it's been ages since I updated this...sorry! Birthday fics for loads of you took over, then about 2 weeks ago I was bitten by an idea for this which I'd played over in my mind since I started writing it, but had never been able to write properly, so I had to get that written (it's the next chapter) Then because of what happens in that chapter, I had to change bits of this one to get it to link up, which I've only just got round to doing today thanks to my personal life taking over and being completely shit recently. Anyway...it's here now, and chapter 9 will be up tomorrow! I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, it is fairly short and jumps around the place a fair bit, but it was the only way I could get it to a place that led well into the next one!**

* * *

Right, Dr. Alexander," the nurse said as she came into Nikki's cubicle "I've got the results of your test, and I can tell you that you are pregnant."

"Oh my...wow...shit," her face fell as she sighed.

"Not what you expected?" the nurse asked, smiling kindly.

"I, it's complicated...is Leo around still?"

"I'll just go and find him for you, back in a minute" she said before she left the cubicle, drawing the curtain back round once she'd left.

Nikki didn't know what to think – if it was Harry's, amazing, they hadn't really discussed having children yet, but they'd make it work. If it wasn't – if it was her attacker's, she knew she wouldn't be able to keep it, she couldn't have his child, a constant reminder of that moment, when all she wanted to was forget it. She'd always thought she would never be able to terminate a pregnancy, no matter what the circumstances, but now she wasn't so sure.

"Nikki," Leo said, entering her cubicle. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay...confused...I don't know what to do Leo."

"About what, Nikki?" he said, sitting on the edge of her bed, facing her.

She took a deep breath "I'm pregnant, Leo."

"Wow, that's fantas...you don't know who's it is, do you?" he said sadly, taking her hand.

"No. I can't do this, not if it's his, Leo. If I keep it, I need it to be Harry's...god, how do I tell him this?!"

"Nikki, listen to me, it'll be okay. You have to tell Harry, either way he needs to know, and I know him, we both do, he'll support you whatever you decide to do. You can get a test done, get a DNA sample from Harry, and make your decision once you get the results."

"I can't have** his** baby, Leo. Not after what he did to me, and those others, I couldn't put myself through that, I couldn't bring up his child, I couldn't do that to Harry, I'd hate it, so would he, and then what would I tell the child when they asked about their real dad? 'Sorry son/daughter, your dad raped me, that's the only reason you're here.' That wouldn't be fair, Leo."

"Okay, okay, look, you'll get through this Nikki, I know it's tough, I'd hate to be you right now, but I'm here, you've got me, you've got Harry, we'll both help you" he said, hugging her.

* * *

"Niks, are you okay? What happened?" Harry asked frantically when she rang him later that evening.

"I'm okay...sort of. Some guys attacked me in the car park, my phone's ruined, I'll be sorting a new one out tomorrow."

"Nikki, love, I don't care about your phone, I care about you. Are you okay?"

"Mmm, sort of...they broke my arm, nothing else too serious. We...I need to talk to you Harry, face to face" she said.

"Oh Niks, I wish I was with you. What about?"

"I'll explain when I see you, I can't discuss it over the phone, it's too important, sorry."

"It's okay love" he said, chuckling softly "Are you sure you're okay to come and visit though? I don't mind waiting a few days if you need to rest."

"I'll be fine Harry, I need to see you, I miss you" she said sadly.

"I miss you too, I hate being so far away from you, but they'll be moving me soon, maybe next week."

"Moving you? Where? Why?" Nikki was confused.

"Headley Court, the place where they deal with all the rehab and physio after soldiers are injured, it's in Surrey so much easier for us to see each other too."

"That's great, that'll be really good for you."

* * *

"Dr Alexander, the jury have all read your account of what happened on the morning Ian Polkis attacked you. Do you stand by your statement that it is exactly what happened?" the barrister asked Nikki the following morning.

"I do."

"Okay, did you ever give any signs to Polkis that you may have been interested in him?"

"No, never! He was only ever a colleague to me, even if I wasn't in a relationship, I wouldn't have wanted anything more than friendship from him."

"You believe he raped you because of your partner's injuries?"

"Yes, right before the attack, he said something like "I'll show you what it's like to have a real man before you go back to Harry out of duty." At that point we didn't know how severe his injuries would be, there was a chance he would be paralysed from the waist down," Nikki explained taking a few deep breaths to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Just to clarify, Harry is your partner, yes?"

"He is, yes."

"And how's he doing now?"

"Getting there slowly. He'll make a full recovery, but even if he had been paralysed, I would have stayed with him out of love, not duty."

"Okay, it was Professor Dalton who found you afterwards, wasn't it?"

"Yes, Ian had left and gone back to our office as if nothing had happened. Leo, Professor Dalton came into the locker room about half an hour later."

An hour later, and Nikki left the courtroom as Leo was on his way in to begin his questioning.

"You okay?" he asked, hugging her.

"I think so, I'm going to go home, I'm not needed here anymore."

"Okay. See you soon" he said, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Yea, hope it goes okay in there."

She left the court and headed in the direction of the nearest tube station. She wanted to get away from everyone and be alone, but she knew if she got a taxi, the driver would undoubtedly be asking questions as soon as he saw the cast on her arm, and she didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. She swiped her Oyster card at the barriers and made her way down to the platform, biting her lip to stop herself crying the whole time.

**So yea, I'm back to being evil to Nikki and making everything angsty for her...at least unlike the BBC I'm not making Harry abandon her to go to America :(** **I know I'm not the only one no longer looking forward to ATIFIL being shown (even if I have already seen it) It should have been the perfect H/N episode then the BBC go and ruin it for us - and them! *lives in fanfic world from now on* **

**C x**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, warning time. This chapter is angsty, dark, and contains self-harm/suicide attempt. If you don't want to/ can't read it, it, that's okay, I've written it so that nothing else important happens in this chapter, and in future ones, there'll only be mentions of this. I promise there'll be some fluff fairly soon...just not yet! **

She couldn't cry. After everything that had happened she hated herself, she only wanted one person, yet he wasn't there. He couldn't be there and she couldn't be with him because she couldn't fucking drive and it was too late to get a train there. She needed him. She hated him for leaving. She loved him. Okay, he was stuck in hospital, it wasn't his fault, but after the...the thought of the word made her retch...after the rape, and then being attacked outside work, having Leo and Janet for company wasn't enough.

She wondered how most people reacted when they go through what she's been though. She scoffed scornfully, how many women almost lose their partner in a war zone – which he's not even properly trained to be in – then get raped, get beaten up by their rapist's friends, then find out they're pregnant – possibly as a result of the rape? The chances of that happening are tiny, she thought to herself. There is no 'normal' way for her to be acting right now, this isn't normal, what she's feeling isn't normal.

Her eyes fell on a photo of the two of them together, taken only a few months after they'd started their relationship, at a wedding of one of Harry's relatives – she couldn't remember who – everything was so good then, they had each other, and were happy together – not that she wasn't happy with him now, but so much has changed since then.

Now the tears began to fall, sliding down her cheeks, slowly at first, then more rapidly, her body shaking as she sobbed. She remembered how happy she was that day, the first time she'd properly met any of Harry's family other than his mother, how much she wanted it to be her wedding day, Harry at her side, becoming her husband, her life. She still wanted that, but didn't see how he could, not now, not since she'd been violated and used.

She wanted it to stop, the pain, the hatred, the constant feeling of being dirty even though she'd lost count of how many showers she'd taken each day since the attack. All she wanted was to be with Harry and feel clean again. She wished Polkis had treated her like the rest of his victims after he'd raped them...she wished he'd ended it for her. She didn't see how she could live a life like this, she wanted the pain to stop.

She remembered being 16, hating her new life in England, missing her mother so much. On the anniversary of her death she'd cried most of the day away, not only wanting to be with her mother, but to be back in South Africa, not stuck in this stupid country with no-one she could call a friend. Knowing her dad was out getting drunk somewhere, she'd decided to try the same time, she poured a large measure of vodka into a glass, downing it instantly, wincing as it burnt. The shock of it made her drop the glass. As shards of glass embedded in her feet, she forgot all the other pain she was suffering. The pain of losing a parent, moving to another country, and the pain in her throat. The warm blood flowing freely from her made everything okay. Through her tears, she smiled. She grabbed a piece of glass from the floor, and drew it across her foot again, before attacking other parts of her body, arms, legs, stomach, not caring as it also cut into the palm of her hand. Anywhere that wasn't likely to be seen. She winced each time, yet felt so free, so at ease with herself.

The scars from that day were still there on her body if anybody cared to look closely enough at her. She'd been so scared, so overwhelmed by the empowering effect it had had on her that she'd vowed never to do it again...now, now she couldn't see another option.

She moved into the kitchen, pulling a knife off the ridiculous magnetic strip Harry had insisted on fixing to the wall one day, before sitting at the table rolling up her trouser legs. She ran her fingers over the faint scars there, her stomach twitching as she remembered that day, before repeating the movements, this time with quick flicks of the knife tip. Warm red blood seeped out of her body, ran down her legs, more and more as she cut her skin over and over, dragging the full length of the blade across her skin. She began to forget everything, her life was good, she was in pain, but she controlled it, she controlled herself, no-one else did. No-one else could tell her how to feel, what she felt, the pain, the blood trickling, that was all her own doing.

Fuck...that one was deep, she winced. She stared at the blood beginning to pool on the floor as she slashed the knife through her t-shirt and into her upper arm, crying out at the pain. Too much, she thought. She put the knife down, pushing it to the far end of the table, out of her reach, spotting that photo once again as she did so. Fuck, what would he think of her doing this? He'd hate her for it, especially if it was his baby.

Her throat was dry, so dry. She stood, heading for the sink, gripping onto the table as the room began to spin around her. She warily shuffled to get some water, downing it, before sliding down against the cupboard door to sit on the floor, her head resting on her knees.

She felt cold. So, so cold...and tired. Sleep seemed warm, a good place to go. She thought of Harry, what he'd say when they found her? Idiot, stupid fucking idiot, most likely. He'd be right, she thought sadly. That's exactly what she was and deserved everything that came to her. She closed her eyes, smiling at the thought of happier times with him before jumping as she heard a car door slam somewhere outside before someone rang her doorbell a few seconds later.

Her eyes closed again, she wasn't sure how long for, before she felt someone shaking her, calling her name. She opened them, blinking a few times to try to wake herself up. Leo was crouched in front of her, tears in his eyes as he pressed more towels to her wounds. Sirens...he must have called an ambulance, she realised. She was so tired, a few minutes sleep wouldn't hurt.

* * *

When she woke up, it could have been hours or even weeks later, she thought as she remembered what had happened. Then she felt the pain and knew it could have only been a few days at most. She groaned as she tried to move her arm, hearing a noise to the side of her bed. She turned, seeing Leo sat there, his eyes snapping open when he spotted she'd woken. He took her hand gently, smiling at her. She could see his lips moving, she couldn't work out what he was saying...something about scaring them she realised. She wanted Harry, wanted to feel his arms wrapped round her, wanted to feel safe.

The next time she woke up – again, not knowing how much later it was – he was there. She smiled as she saw his eyes focussing on hers as they flickered. He took her hand in his, squeezing it gently as she took in her surroundings. He pressed his lips to hers softly before moving them to whisper in her ear. She relaxed at his touch and the sound of his voice. She knew then, that all she ever needed to make herself feel better was him. How she could have thought a knife would help her more than the man she loved and wanted to grow old with she wasn't sure. She'd been wrong. Razor sharp metal tearing through her skin had only made things worse. She felt tears falling from the corners of her eyes, and closed them, turning away from him as she did so. She wanted, needed him with her, but couldn't bear to have him there, seeing her at her worst, seeing her at her most vulnerable. She didn't know what to do, what to feel, then sleep was calling her once more. She wanted to fight it, she wanted stay awake for Harry, but chose the easy option once more. Sleep meant not having to struggle to explain what she was thinking, what she was feeling, how much she hated herself, how much she hated life.

**I was quite worried about posting this, I wasn't sure if it might be too much, but hopefully it was okay...whether you liked it or not, I'd love to know what you made of it!**

**I'm about to start another short multi-chap, so while I'm not ignoring Contact, I will be focusing on that for a bit. Will try to have the next chapter up by the weekend at the latest.**

**C x**


	10. Chapter 10

"I don't understand it, Leo" Harry said, his eyes firmly fixed on Nikki's unconscious frame.

Leo sighed, "You're not alone, she seemed fine when I left her. I'm so glad I went round on my way home."

"I should have been there," Harry muttered angrily.

"How could you? You were stuck in hospital miles away," Leo said, resting a comforting hand on the younger man's arm.

"I should never have left her, if I hadn't gone out to Afghanistan, you wouldn't have needed a replacement, I wouldn't have been injured, I would have been here. Polkis would never have got to her. She'd be okay, she wouldn't be suffering like this." Tears slid down his cheeks, he didn't have a clue how to make it easier for her once she woke.

"I know, but you can't think like that Harry, you have to try to accept it and move on, be there for her" Leo said, smiling sadly.

"I know I just..."

"Afternoon gentlemen," Nikki's doctor said as he entered her room "I'm pleased to say Dr Alexander will be okay. It'll be a tough road to recovery, physically and mentally but, with your help and ours, she'll get there. I'm also relieved to tell you the baby's okay. We need to find out from her if that may have influenced her actions."

"Baby? Wha...she's pregnant?!" Harry asked, stunned.

"You didn't know?" the doctor asked.

"No, I had no idea. Leo?" Harry turned to the older man for confirmation.

"She told me, just after she found out," Leo said, hesitating slightly.

"I'll come back in a few minutes" the doctor said, leaving the room silently.

She told you?" Harry asked quietly.

"She found out after she'd been attacked in the car park. They needed to give her an x-ray, so did a test beforehand. It came back positive." Leo replied, unable to look at Harry.

"She's not showing" Harry said, resting a hand on her stomach softly, "Do you know how far along she is?"

"Not exactly, I know she..." Leo trailed off, staring at the floor.

"What? Leo, tell me?" Harry pleaded.

"It really should be her telling you this Harry, not me."

"Please Leo, if...if she's done this because of it, because of our baby, Leo, I need to know...please," he finished almost in a whisper, his eyes filling with tears.

"Okay...I," Leo ran a hand through his hair, sighing "She was worried, Harry, I hate to tell you this...she thinks there's a chance it might not be your baby."

"What?! How...she wouldn't, she..." He trailed off in despair before something clicked in his brain "Oh god, no...not his?! No, Leo...please?"

"It's a possibility. She..."

"BASTARD!" he yelled, his fists clenching in anger.

"Harry...listen, please,"

"Poor thing" Harry whispered "My poor, poor Niks...she doesn't deserve this."

The two men fell into silence, their eyes on the woman asleep in front of them, both trying to avoid looking at the bandages covering her injuries, yet not being able to stop themselves looking and wishing they'd been able to prevent her causing them. Leo left a few hours later having already stayed past the end of the visiting hours, while Harry refused to leave, staying by his partner's bedside all night and the next few nights, reassuring her she was safe whenever she woke from the nightmares that plagued her.

* * *

"Niks?" Harry spoke nervously one morning.

"What?" she replied eventually. He could tell from her voice she'd been crying.

"How are you doing?" he covered one of her small hands with one of his own, squeezing it gently.

"Fine."

"Niks...I'm worried about you, love. I'm here if you want to talk, okay?" The only response he got was her hand turning under his, her fingers linking with his slowly.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled around 10 minutes later "you must hate me."

"I don't. Why would you think that?"

"If it had worked... Harry, I could have died, abandoned you!"

"You didn't though, you'll be okay" Harry smiled at her softly. "We'll be okay."

* * *

"Harry?" Nikki asked quietly a bit later.

"Yes love?" he asked.

"I need to tell you something," she paused for a few seconds before continuing. "I should have told you much sooner."

"What is it?"

"The baby...I'm sorry Harry," she took a few deep breaths, her eyes closed willing herself to carry on. When she opened them they were full of tears.

"Nikki if you're trying to say what I think you are, I already know - Leo told me."

"Told you? You know it ...might not be yours."

"He didn't want to, but I made him. I could tell he knew something."

"I'm so sorry Harry," she said eventually after what seemed like a lifetime of silence.

"It's not your fault," he said softly taking her hand in his.

"I...I can't have his baby, I couldn't do it Harry. I couldn't put you through that either," she said tears now running down her face.

"Okay, okay and if it's mine?" he asked cautiously.

"I want it more than anything in the world. It might not be great timing but having your child...Harry, it's something I've wanted for so long."

"Look, okay, look at me Niks," he said releasing her hand and sitting back a little "I've done some research - we can get some tests done and then you can decide what you want to do, my love."

"I can't have it if it's his...I have to get rid of it, don't hate me Harry."

"I never could, I love you too much. It's your choice what you do, no one else's, and I'll be here for you no matter what," he said honestly.

"Thank you," she said quietly "I want it to be yours so much."

"Me too," he said with a smile. "Leo...Leo told me he has a friend who runs a clinic – they can do paternity tests before the baby's born, we could go there...if you want?"

"How long will I be in here for?" she asked, wiping away her tears.

"I'm not sure love, they'll want to make sure you're okay before they let you go," he said, taking her hand again. "The clinic will only do the paternity test once you're more than 12 weeks pregnant – less risk of it harming the baby that way – so we've got a few weeks to wait anyway."

There was a knock at the door, before it opened. "Sorry to interrupt guys. Harry, we really need to get going," a young man said.

"Where are you going?" Nikki said, getting distressed, "Who's this?"

"I need to get back to hospital, love. I'm sorry. It's just for a bit more physio, I'll be out of there soon though, and then I'll be here with you." Harry said, before addressing the other male "I'll be out in 5, okay?"

"They can do your physio here, can't they?!" she said angrily, once the man had left the room.

"Niks, love. They can, that's why I'll be back soon. The physiotherapist at my hospital wants one more session before he discharges me. I'll need plenty more here though; it's only because of everything that's happened to you that they're letting me out so soon."

"I don't want you to go," she whispered, tears beginning to fall again. "I need you here."

"I'll be back tomorrow at the latest, maybe even today depending on how quickly they discharge me," he said, wiping away her tears. "You'll be okay love, Leo said he'd come and see you at lunch."

"I want you here," she said, gripping his hand tightly "I feel safe with you."

"You're safe here love, whether I'm here or not, no-one can hurt you in here." He said, raising their hands and kissing her knuckles softly.

"I...I might," she said, turning her head away from him.

"Nikki? What are you saying, love?"

"Last time...I was alone, I wanted to be with you but I couldn't...not that it's your fault this happened," she added hurriedly. "I just...I don't want to feel like that again, Harry."

"Okay, love. You'll be okay. Maybe...maybe you should talk to someone, while I'm gone?"

"Will it help?" she asked tearfully "Sometimes I think I'm okay...others I'm not so sure."

"Oh love," Harry said sadly, moving to sit on the bed before drawing Nikki into his arms "It might help. I'll speak to a nurse about it before I go if you want?"

"Would you?" she said against his chest, snuggling closer to him.

"Of course, I really do need to go though, sorry," he pressed a kiss to her hair.

"It's okay, I understand," she said, lifting her head to kiss him tenderly. "Come back as soon as you can?"

"You know I will," he said, releasing her and moving back into his wheelchair, his legs not yet strong enough to support him over long distances. "I love you."

"Love you too," she said weakly. He wheeled himself to the door, opening it before turning to smile at her before he left the room, closing the door behind him. It took all his strength to carry on away from her room instead of turning back when he heard her cries.

* * *

**Apologies it's taken me quite so long to update this, my muse ran off and then real life got a bit crazy...but anyway, I'm slowly getting back into writing and doing my best not to be too mean to Harry and Nikki any more! Hope you enjoyed this, review if so please! :) **

**C xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Apologies for the huge delay in updating this, life has been hectic and the last few days I've only been able to use one hand to type, which has slowed me down so much! Also, this is a fairly short chapter, but what I have planned for the next chapter wouldn't have fitted in with this one, so hopefully I'll update again in a few days.**

* * *

Harry was very grateful when later that day he was discharged from the hospital in Birmingham, now only needing to go to outpatients physio appointments which could be done back in London. He eventually got back to the hospital Nikki late that night, grateful when the nurse on duty let him onto the ward even though it was long after anyone but patients and staff should be there. He wheeled himself through the ward to Nikki's room at the far end of it, opening the door as quietly as he could. He smiled when he saw his mum fast asleep in one of the chairs next to Nikki's bed – she was also asleep. He wheeled over to her, taking her hand gently and kissing it. It felt good to be back with her, and he was glad she hadn't been alone the whole time. Now he was going to be at home, she didn't need to worry about him not being there. He promised her silently that he'd never leave her again.

He woke a few hours later to Nikki screaming in her sleep, frantically thrashing, and clawing at her bandages. He grabbed her hands, trying to prevent her from hurting herself – though her arm was already covered in blood from where she'd ripped her stitches.

"You're safe love, I promise you're safe. It's okay," he whispered to her over and over.

"What's happened Harry?" his mum asked, the screams waking her too.

"She's having a nightmare. Can you fetch a nurse?" he said before turning back to Nikki.

"Of course." She said, leaving the room quickly.

"Come on Niks," Harry said softly "You're okay, my love."

"Harry? Harry?!" she said frantically as she woke, looking round anxiously before realising where she was.

"I'm here love, you were having a bad dream, it's okay though." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, releasing her hands from his grip as he did so.

"He was back, Harry. It was awful, he was here again," she whispered, reaching out for him.

"He can't hurt you any more Nikki, it's okay," he promised.

She winced as she lifted her hand to stroke his cheek, only then noticing the blood on her arm. "Oh god...Harry!"

"It's okay love, Mum's gone to fetch a nurse. She'll be back soon. You did it when you were having the nightmare."

"What's happened here then?" the nurse asked, entering the room a few minutes later.

"She was having a nightmare," Harry answered "she ripped off the bandages and pulled out some stitches before I could stop her."

"Okay," the nurse said, examining the wounds "thankfully, it doesn't look too bad. We'll get them re-stitched though."

"Thank you," Nikki said quietly "and I'm sorry."

"It's alright dear. You didn't know you were doing it. I'll be back in a minute," the nurse said before leaving the room.

Half an hour later, Harry, his mum and Nikki were alone again, Nikki's stitches having been replaced along with her bandages.

"Thanks for being here Mum," Harry said, smiling at her.

"It's okay. Thought Nikki could use the company until you got back. What did the physio say?"

"They've discharged me, I just have to do sessions as an outpatient here now."

"That's great. I was so worried, love."

"I know, I was lucky. Could've been a lot worse," he said sadly, thinking about the other's he knew who'd suffered far worse injuries than him in the same attack.

* * *

"All ready to go?" Leo asked, a week later.

"Definitely. Can't wait to get home," Nikki said with a smile.

"It'll be good, won't it?" Harry said, tucking an arm around her waist as he leant on the crutch in his other hand.

"Mm, a fresh start," she said, leaning into him a little as they made their way out of the side room and off the ward. "I'm so glad you're back, Harry."

"Me too love, we'll be okay," he said, pressing a kiss to her hair as they got outside. They'd both been doing better since Harry had been discharged and could stay with Nikki. Harry's physio has been going well, and Nikki's nightmares were now almost non-existent since they'd been together each night – her appointments with a counsellor also helping her come to terms with what had happened . Now, Harry thought to himself, they just had to wait a few weeks until they could do the paternity test and then, providing they were given the results they wanted, they could move on and begin to enjoy life again.

* * *

**Hope it was okay, and providing I can start typing a bit quicker, I'll have another chapter of this, and the first of my Christmas fics up fairly soon :)**

**Reviews are always appreciated **

**C x**


	12. Chapter 12

**Here is is! For once I actually have posted this when I said I would - impressed?! :p **

Over the next few weeks, Harry and Nikki tried to carry on with their lives as normally as possible, nightmares still plaguing both of them from time to time. Nikki had been going to counselling sessions, but all they did was help her remember the attacks, her self-harming and the fact that the child when was carrying might not be Harry's. She didn't feel they were helping her get better. Harry helped her as best he could, but ultimately they both knew that she would only make real improvements once the paternity test had been carried out.

The day of the testing finally arrived, Harry and Nikki both getting little sleep the night before were up early. They arrived at the clinic in plenty of time for their appointment, having spent most of the journey in silence. Nikki knew that at some point they would have to talk about what they would do, but she knew what she wanted. She just had to hope that Harry would agree with her. They sat in the waiting room, again in silence, Nikki flicking through an old magazine absentmindedly.

Harry took her hand, squeezing it gently. "It'll be okay, love."

"What if it's not?" she responded nervously.

"We'll...You can decide what you want to do."

"I already know...you won't hate me for it will you?"

"I could never hate you, you know that."

"What if you don't like what I decide though?"

"Nikki, if it's the right decision for you then I'm fine with it, okay?"

"Okay...thank you," she said, smiling at him before reaching up to tidy his hair.

/

"So we're doing a paternity test through CVS...I assume that you both know about the procedure being medics?" the doctor asked.

"Yes," Nikki said, nodding.

"Okay, so if you just hop up onto the bed I'll sort out the anaesthetic. Do you want Harry to stay here while I carry out the procedure?"

"If that's okay, yes," Nikki said, holding Harry's hand.

"Of course," the doctor smiled as he got all the equipment ready. Nikki lay on the bed, Harry moving to stand next to her, pressing a kiss to her hair as they waited.

"Once the anaesthetic has started working, I'll insert the needle. There may be a little bit of discomfort, but it shouldn't be too bad. Using the ultrasound will make sure it's going in correctly so the cells can be collected as accurately and safely as possible."

"I don't want to see it...the scan that is," Nikki said as she was given the anaesthetic.

"Okay, not a problem. I take it you don't want to know the sex either?"

"No. I can't, not...not if it isn't Harry's."

/

"All done," the doctor said once the procedure was completed and mouth swabs had been taken from Harry. "We'll have the results back in a few day. I will just ask that you stay here for an hour or so to let us keep an eye on you, make sure there are no immediate side effects, but other than that you're okay to go. If you notice any of the side effects once you're home, contact your GP or go to A&E if they're severe enough, but the chances of that are very slim."

"Thank you," Nikki said kindly.

"Not a problem, I just hope I can give you the result you're after."

/

"Nikki?" Harry asked later that day, standing in the doorway to the living room.

"What?" She spoke quietly from her position on the sofa. She'd been there since they'd got home earlier, having barely said a word to Harry.

"I've cancelled my physio for today, thought we could watch a DVD if you want?"

"Why are you still with me Harry?" She asked sadly, not looking at him.

"Why am I still with you?!" He repeated, moving over to the sofa and crouching next to her. "I love you, Niks. Why wouldn't I still be here?"

"I could be having our baby, yet I can't look at it, and I'm considering killing it..."

"I thought you wanted it if it's ours," Harry said, resting a hand on Nikki's arm.

"I do...I'd only do that if it wasn't, but it's still the same baby. I should have been bonding with it, loving it...I can't, just in case..." She trailed off, looking at him for the first time, tears in her eyes.

"Oh love, we'll know soon," he said, sitting on the sofa and pulling her onto his lap gently. "You know, if you want this baby whoever the father is, I won't mind. I wouldn't leave you, I'd treat them as my own."

"You want me to have his baby?" She asked, fear present in her voice.

"No, well...obviously I want it to be mine, but to me, whatever the results say it's our baby. If you're not sure about getting rid if it, don't feel you have to because of me, okay?"

"I think I'm sure about what I want to do," she reassured him.

"Okay, just remember you don't have to decide straight away..." He trailed off, pressing a kiss to her hair.

"I know, thank you," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. "I just can't have his child, all I want to do is forget about what happened as much as possible. A child would be a constant reminder."

"Nikki, if it comes to it, and it's right for you, then it's okay, it's what you have to do. You know, I really hope it's mine – ours. We'd never discussed it, but I love to start a family with you," he said, tilting her head up to gaze into her eyes.

"Me too, it'd be perfect," she said, kissing him.

She settled her head against his chest as he switched on the TV to catch up with the news. Minutes later, she was asleep. Harry turned down the volume on the TV so as not to disturb Nikki, finding himself beginning to fall asleep too.

"A man awaiting trial for murder and rape charges has been found dead in a North London prison, police officials say." The newsreader began. Harry pricked up his ears at this, the charges sounding worryingly familiar. "The suspect, who for now remains unnamed, was found a few hours ago in his cell. Police do not think anyone else was involved."

Harry gently moved Nikki off his lap, then grabbed his crutches before leaving the room and heading to the kitchen. He called Leo to find out if he'd heard anything.

"Leo, I've just seen on the news that a guy died in prison. They didn't name him. Is it him?"

There was a pause before Leo replied. "Damn, they should've told you first. Clearly they didn't think it was important! I'm sorry Harry, it is Polkis. Did Nikki see the story?"

"No, she's asleep. How do I tell her?" Harry asked, knowing that the news could seriously affect her recovery.

"I don't know. How do you think she'll take it?"

"I have no idea. It could make it easier for her - he won't ever be able to find her again, but it might make it harder. He doesn't deserve to escape, he deserves to be stuck in prison to rot for years."

"I know, stupid coward. If there's anything I can do, Harry..."

"I know, thank you Leo. I'll let you know how it goes."

Harry didn't get a chance to tell Nikki until the following day, she'd been asleep the majority of the rest of the day and Harry had decided each time she woke that there would be a better time to tell her. After breakfast he knew he had to tell her, he didn't want her finding out from the news.

"Nikki, Leo told me something yesterday," he began slowly.

"What's that then?"

"Well I found out on the news first, Leo just confirmed it for me. It's Polkis..." He paused trying to work out how to break the news.

"What? Have they let him go? Harry?!" Nikki was visibly shaken by the mere mention of his name, Harry pulled her into a hug, stroking her back comfortingly.

"No, not that. They found him yesterday." He pulled away slightly, gazing into her eyes. "They don't think anyone else was involved, he was found dead, Niks."

"Dead? How?"

"He suffocated, I..."

"Fucking coward!" She yelled, pushing him away and storming out of the kitchen.

Harry heard her going upstairs, then second later a door slammed shut. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Leo. "Just told her, she didn't take it well. Will check on her in a minute. H"

Harry flicked the switch on the kettle, making them both a cup of tea before heading upstairs with them.

He checked in the bathroom and spare room before he got to their bedroom. The door was firmly shut. He knocked on it lightly before pushing it open.

"Nikki? God, Nikki what the hell are you doing?!" Harry rushed over to her, seeing her sat on the bed in tears. She was violently scratching at her arms, tearing the skin off, blood beginning to run down her and she fingers. He grabbed her hands to stop her. "Christ, Nikki. Don't do this."

"Don't do what?!" She yelled. "He does this to me, makes me go through hell, then for some reason kills himself - presumably so he doesn't have to live with the guilt of it!"

"Nikki, my love, I'm so sorry," he pulled her into his arms. "I'm so, so sorry. Let's get you cleaned up."

"Harry, wait," she said through her tears as he released her. "Hold me?"

Ten minutes later, having also sent a text to Leo updating him, he placed a bowl of warm water on the bedside table along with a first aid kit. "It'll be okay, Niks. It'll get easier."

"I hate him. I hate him so much!" She said angrily as he started to clean her wounds.

"I know, you're not the only one."

"I'm sorry," she said moments later, resting a hand on his arm. "You shouldn't have to put up with me like this. Why do you?"

"Because I love you, because it's not your fault. I know it's not been easy for you lately. There you go, all done," he said as he finishing treating her. "I know it's tough at times, but try not to do it again?"

"I'll try, I'm sorry. I should have stayed with you downstairs. I love you," she said, hugging him.

"It's okay, it's okay. I love you too," he said, pressing a kiss to her lips softly.

"I just want tomorrow to be over," she said, resting a hand on her stomach. "At least then I'll know what to do about this one."

**You'll be pleased to know I don't have much more angst planned for this fic at the moment, I'm trying to be kind to them! The next chapter is almost finished, so will do my best to get that up next week :) **

**Reviews are always loved and appreciated, and give me a reason to keep on writing *hint hint***

**C x**


	13. Chapter 13

**So here it is, later than planned thanks to having to go into work on my day off and then having to rewrite most of this when I got home, but still posting it within the deadline I gave myself! Time to find out who the Daddy is!**

Both Harry and Nikki barely slept that night, Harry being too worried about Nikki, and Nikki being too angry about Polkis's suicide. When she did eventually manage to sleep, Harry's strong arms wrapped round her keeping her safe, she woke regularly, nightmares of the attack coming back to haunt her.

The next morning, having received a phone call saying the results were back, Harry and Nikki went back to the clinic and were seen by the same doctor.

"So we've got your results back, and Nikki, I can tell you that Harry is the father of your child."

"Really?" Nikki asked happily, grinning at the doctor then at Harry.

"Yes, definitely. You can see for yourself if you want?" He said handing over the results.

Nikki scanned them quickly before handing them to Harry. "He's right," she said to him.

"I'll give you two a few minutes alone," the doctor said before leaving the room.

"Wow..." Harry said, the news being great for him, but he was still unsure what Nikki would decide.

"That's amazing! I'd told myself it wasn't yours so I wasn't too disappointed, but..."she trailed off happily, taking his hand.

"You're keeping it then?" Harry asked.

"Definitely. I couldn't get rid of your child Harry, this is perfect," she said, leaning over to kiss him.

"Do you want a photo of the baby?" The doctor asked when he returned. "I've still got an image from the scan the other day."

"Yes please," Nikki said, one hand tightly joined with Harry's, the other resting on her stomach.

"Okay, I'll just print that off for you then. Do you want to know the sex yet?"

Nikki looked at Harry who shook his head before replying, "We want to wait."

"Okay. There's the scan," he said, handing over the picture, "and good luck with everything."

"Thank you," Nikki said, shaking his hand.

"It's beautiful Nikki," Harry said outside the clinic while they looked at the scan.

"Our little baby," she said, taking his hand and putting it on her bump. "We should tell Leo."

"Now?"

"Why not? We can see if he's got time for lunch too," Nikki said, leading him to the nearest tube station.

/

"Harry, Nikki! How are you both?" Leo asked, standing from behind his desk to hug them as they entered his office later on.

"Fine thanks," Harry said "should be rid of the crutches after my physio session tomorrow."

"That's great! Nikki, you okay?"

"Getting there," she said smiling at him gently. "We have news, can you escape for lunch so we can tell you?"

"I'm meeting Janet in half an hour, but if its something you want her to know too, then yes of course."

An hour later, the four of them were sat round a table in the garden of a nearby café.

"So, your news Nikki?" Leo prompted after the waitress took their orders.

"Well, obviously you know about everything that's happened, and the baby...we found out earlier it is Harry's, and we'd love for you two to be Auntie Janet and Uncle Leo," Nikki said, grinning at the older couple.

"Nikki, that's fantastic news!"

"Congratulations," Janet said happily. "That's wonderful."

"I know," Harry said. "We're so relieved."

"I'm not surprised," Leo said. "You deserve some good news after everything else."

"Looks like lunch is on you then, dear," Janet said.

"You could always pay love?" Leo retorted, his eyes twinkling.

"I could, but you were taking me out for lunch anyway, which implies you were paying," she teased.

"There really is no need to pay for us, but what Janet says makes sense Leo," Harry said.

"Don't be silly, I'm paying," Leo responded.

"I bet he'll put it down as a works lunch so the Home Office pays for it rather than him," Nikki teased.

"I would never do such a thing, and if I did we'd have gone to an expensive restaurant!"

/

The next day, following his final physio session, Harry and Nikki went to visit his mother. While she knew about Nikki's self harming, they had not told her about the rape or pregnancy, not wanting to upset her if they hadn't had the results they'd wanted. However now, Nikki had made the decision to tell Anne the entire story.

Greetings over and cups of tea made, they settled in the lounge and, with support from Harry, Nikki began her story. At times she faltered, the memories of the recent months being too much for her to bear still, occasional tears falling from her eyes. Eventually she revealed the news of the pregnancy, and explained that they had been unsure as to who the father could be, before very quickly telling her that it was Harry's and she would be a Grandma soon.

"That's wonderful news, I'm so pleased for you both," she said, moving to hug them in turn. "Do you know what you're having yet?"

"No Mum, we've decided to wait," Harry said, 'Niks, show her the scan."

Nikki reached into her bag, handing the copy of the scan to Anne.

"It's so exciting," Anne said, "anything I can do to help, just let me know."

"Thanks Mum," Harry said hugging her again, "you'll be an amazing Grandma."

"I hope so," Anne said happily.

"You okay Nikki?" Harry asked, noticing she'd been quiet since announcing the news.

"Yea, just feeling tired suddenly," she said, wrapping her arms round him lazily.

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "We'll go home soon, then you can have a rest, okay?"

"Okay, love yo..." She muttered as she went limp in Harry's arms.

**Ohhh evil cliffie! **

**Reviews are always appreciated and will mean you find out what's happened to Nikki sooner!**

**C x**


	14. Chapter 14

**So, I finally have a more clear idea of where I'm going with this, not that life/work is allowing me much time to get it written, but hopefully I'll be able to update at least a little bit more regularly. I do feel quite mean leaving this so long after ending the last chapter on an evil cliffie, but at least I've been kind...for now. **

She_ smiled in the early evening sunlight as she heard the front door open and close._

_"Daddy's home, baby. Shall we go and see him?" She asked their four month old son. His face broke into a smile at the mention of 'Daddy', and he began to laugh as she picked him up from the blanket, swinging him high in the air as she carried him inside._

_"There you are," Harry said, putting a mug of tea on the counter for her as they came into the kitchen. "Good day?"_

_"Lovely," she said, kissing him. "We went for a little walk earlier to feed the ducks, then we've been in the garden this afternoon looking at all the pretty flowers."_

_"So... that's 5 minutes of flowers and the rest of the time telling him about the Lyell?" He teased as he took his son from her, pressing a kiss to his head._

_"Only because that's where Daddy is. It's only fair that when we're missing him we talk about where he is," she said, sipping from her mug._

_"I wasn't aware our son was advanced enough to hold conversations with you yet!" Harry said, raising an eyebrow at her, his eyes sparkling._

_"Of course he is," she replied. "How was your day?"_

_"Not too bad, the usual - dead bodies, DI's thinking they know more than we do, you know how it is." He said as he placed their son in his bouncer._

_"Mumford and his cronies are one thing I'm not missing!" She said, yawning tiredly._

_"I'm not surprised. Go and sit down, love," Harry said, hugging her and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Let us boys sort dinner out for you."_

_"No, it's okay. He'll need feeding soon anyway," she said, bending down to tickle her son's foot._

_"I'll bring him to you when he does. Go and sit down, put some trashy film on and relax," Harry insisted._

_"Okay, thank you," she said smiling up at him, kissing him tenderly before leaving the room._

_"Niks," Harry said as she reached the door. "Nikki!"_

_"What?" She responded, turning to look at him, only to see him fading._

_"Come back to me, beautiful. Don't leave us. Come on, Nikki."_

_"Harry. Harry?!"_

_"Nikki, you can make it love, fight for me?"_

Everything went black. She could hear he was crying as he spoke, begging her not to leave. She mumbled his name, her dry throat making her cough.

She felt the pain, the intense pain tearing her stomach apart. Tears came to her eyes as she called out for him again. Then he was there, his hand over hers, his voice reassuring her. He helped her sit forward to have a drink, the cool liquid soothing her throat.

"What happened?" she murmured, resting a hand on her stomach in a vain attempt to ease the pain. "Harry?"

"I'm here, Nikki. It's okay," he said, sitting on the bed, tucking her hair behind her ears. "You were bleeding, they had to perform minor surgery, but it's all sorted now."

"What? Bleeding, how...?"

"They discovered it was a complication from the procedure last week."

"Last week?"

"It's been a few days since you got here, Niks. It's Monday now. You'll be able to go home soon though."

"The baby?"

"It's all fine, they did a scan after the surgery to make sure everything was okay. I was worried I was going to lose you both, you lost a lot of blood..." He paused, swallowing back tears, squeezing her hand gently.

"I wouldn't give up on you, not now. Not after everything we've been through," she said.

He turned so he was sitting next to her, putting an arm round her, keeping her close. "I didn't think you would, the were a few horrible moments though."

"I'm sorry," she said, turning onto her side to cuddle against him. "We...we were at your Mums, then we were going home. I don't remember after that."

"It happened at Mums, we were about to leave when it happened, you passed out."

She laid her head on his chest. "I had a dream, about us. About this one," she said, her hand stroking her stomach.

"Our little baby," he said, his hand meeting hers.

"It was a boy," she said. "I know we said we wouldn't find out, but something's telling me I'm right about this."

"Maybe you are," Harry said. "Did he have a name?"

"He was about 4 months old, so I'd hope we'd picked one by then!" Nikki said, yawning. "I didn't hear one though."

"Have you thought about any?"

"Not really..." she yawned again, "who's surname will they have? We're not married so..."

"Not yet," Harry said, smiling at her. "It's your choice, Niks. If you want them to have yours until we are, that's fine...would you change your name when we do?"

"Definitely, the three of us will be Cunninghams," she said, leaning up to kiss him. "Think of all the trouble it would cause at work!"

"That's such a bad reason, Nikki," Harry said, chuckling at her.

"I'd be free of him at last if I took your name," she said quietly.

"Hmm? Who?" Harry asked, not fully understanding.

"My father. When...if we get married and I take your name...Alexander is the only thing of his I have now."

"Oh Niks," he said sadly, knowing how much she resented her father even after his death. "It's definitely when, not if, my love."

"Are you sure?" She asked vulnerably, looking deep into his eyes.

"So long as you say yes, then I'm sure. I've known I want to marry you for a long time, Niks."

"I don't deserve you," she said, tears forming in her eyes.

"You do, you're more than good enough for me." He said, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.

"I love you," she said, yawing again.

"I love you too," Harry said, stroking her hair. "Get some more sleep if you want beautiful, I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise?"

"I promise. I'll be right here when you wake up." He said, tightening his arms around her. "I'm never leaving you."

* * *

He watched her as she slept, watching her eyes flutter behind their closed lids, watching the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, carrying on, fighting for him, for them all, fighting to stay alive. The last few days had been an antagonising wait for him, it had seemed like weeks since he'd been home, been to work, been anywhere other than the hospital. They'd been through more than their fair share of trials over the last few months, all he wanted now was to get Nikki better, get her home and start becoming a family. He knew, after everything that had tested it, their child would be a fighter. He just hoped he could be the father it needed. He wondered about names, he'd never realised just how much of a responsibility it was until now. Pick the wrong one and his child may resent their decision forever. How did you make such a lifelong, important decision for someone you've never met? For as long as his family knew, Cunningham first-borns had been male, not that he care what sex their baby was, but he knew it would please his mother of the tradition continued - not that they could do anything about it. He didn't know how many children Nikki wanted, they'd never discussed it, but having been an only child, he knew he wanted more than one. While he'd had all the attention he'd wanted from his parents, he'd lost count of the amount of times he'd prayers for a brother or sister. Someone his own age, not a grown up, someone to play with, an older sibling to watch out for him, a younger one for him to take care of. Names. What names suited Cunningham? He racked his brains thinking of both male and female. Names were so important, and depended so much on personality. They could chose a name, fall in love with it then, in around 5 months, finally meet their child and realise it was completely unsuitable and have to start the whole process again.

He sighed, running a hand over his face tiredly before stretching his arms out, being careful not to disrupt Nikki still sleeping beside him.

He looked up as the door opened, a doctor coming in followed by Leo.

"How's she been?" The doctor asked Harry as he checked the monitors she was connected to.

"Okay, she woke up not long ago for about 10 minutes. She was in a bit of pain, but seemed okay other than that." Harry responded.

"Good," the doctor said as he moved to check Nikki's injuries. "Next time she wakes, come and fetch one of us and we'll check her over. We should then be able to give you an idea of when she can go home."

"Okay, thank you," Harry said as the doctor finished the examination and began to leave the room.

"She'll be okay then?" Leo asked, having settled in a chair next to the bed.

"In time, yes. She's been through so much," Harry said.

"I know, you both have. And the little one's okay too?"

"Perfect. Nikki's convinced it's a boy," he replied.

"What do you think?"

"In my family, the first-born has been a boy for as far back as we can trace. I don't have a clue what name we'll pick though." Harry explained, yawning loudly.

"I see. We went through 5 different names for Cassie before we picked that one," Leo said. "Harry, when did you last sleep?"

"I'm not sure... A while ago," Harry admitted, looking away from the older man and down at his sleeping partner.

"You need to look after yourself Harry," Leo insisted. "I'll stay here for a while, you get some rest. I'll wake you if there are any changes."

"Okay. Thank you Leo," Harry said, tucking an arm around Nikki as he allowed his eyes to close properly for the first time in days.

Leo looked at the couple asleep on the bed in front of him, each with a hand on Nikki's stomach protecting their unborn child. He'd known for a long time that the two pathologists were perfect for each other, and the fact that they'd remained so strong through everything proved this. He knew he'd do everything he could to help them out, for as long as they needed him.

**Just so that you are all aware, I am doing my best to fight the temptation to cause them more pain over the next few chapters before they can actually be happy...but whether that will happen or not is yet unknown! **

**Reviews are always very much appreciated, and it means a lot knowing people like reading my fics.**

**C x**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks to all of the lovely wonderful people who keep reading & reviewing, even though I'm so rubbish at updating this! If it makes it any better, I've had this chapter finished for almost a week, I've just not had the time or energy to get it online, but I am about half way through the next chapter...I'm aiming to have it up next week (I would say sooner, but we all know that's highly unlikely!) Anyway, read on, and I hope you enjoy. **

A few days later, Nikki was allowed home, provided she attended sessions with a therapist again, and had regular check-ups with a doctor. A month later, Leo agreed to let her return to work much as she'd wanted to do so sooner. Harry had gone back two weeks before, now able to walk without the aid of crutches or a stick. Slowly, but surely they were on their way back to normality, she thought as she made her way into the changing room after completing her first autopsy since returning. It was a tough case, but then any involving children always were. Harry had tried to keep the case from her but she had refused, knowing that she wouldn't be able to avoid similar cases forever just because she was a mother. Opening her locker, she put her clothes on the bench behind her, grinning as she felt her child move, kicking against her softly. She pulled off her scrubs top and stroked her bare stomach, the swell due to pregnancy now fairly noticeable. She jumped as she heard a noise in the corridor outside, realising she hadn't been in this room since her attack. The memories of it came flooding back as the door was pushed open slowly. She slid to the floor, wrapping her arms around herself and her unborn child, panicking, her breathing becoming more and more rapid.

"Dr Alexander, you in here?" Someone called out.

She didn't respond, staying as quiet as she could, her previous attack playing over and over in her mind, thoughts of him touching her, using her, filling her head. She heard the door swing shut and, as she heard footsteps walking away outside, realised that whoever was looking for her had given up. Tears slid down her cheeks, falling onto her bare chest, as she admitted to herself that recovery was still a long way off for her.

/

"Dr Cunningham, do you know where Dr Alexander is?" One of the new students asked him, breaking his train of thought on his latest game of solitaire.

"Nikki? She was doing a PM last thing I knew. She hasn't been back up here since then, so she's probably still in there or in the changing room. Anything I can help with?" He asked, smiling at the young man in front of him.

"No, just some lab results for her. She's not in the cutting room or the changing room."

"Okay, she's probably just in the bathroom then, you know what women are like," he said, chuckling. "Leave the results there and I'll make sure she gets them."

"Thank you."

Harry returned to his game catching Leo's eye as he walked by, switching hastily to the document containing his latest report. He tried to focus on it as he waited for Nikki to return. 500 words and 3 games of Solitaire later, he realised she still wasn't back at her desk. He pulled out his mobile, dialling her number as he drummed his fingers on his desk. He groaned in frustration as he was instantly greeted by her voicemail. He saved both his game and the report and headed towards Leo's office, knocking on the door.

"Leo?" He asked, leaning in the doorway. "Nikki hasn't been called to a scene has she?"

"No, why?" The older man asked looking up from some paperwork.

"One of the students was looking for her a while ago, with no success, and she still hasn't come up here," Harry said, trying to stay calm, knowing there must be a logical explanation for her absence.

"Have you tried calling her? She was in the cutting room earlier, that's all I know."

"Yep, straight to voicemail. She's not in there apparently, or in the changing room," Harry sighed.

"Might it be worth taking another look?" Leo suggested.

"Yea, I was about to head down there. Just thought I'd check with you first."

"Okay. If you have no luck, let me know and I'll get security to check the CCTV," Leo said as his phone began to ring.

"Sure, thanks Leo," Harry said, leaving and closing the door behind him.

He refused to let himself panic about the situation, that wouldn't solve anything, and would only worry Nikki more if something had happened. He pushed open the doors to the cutting room, seeing no signs of life in the darkened space.

"Niks? It's Harry. You in here, love?" His voice echoed around the room to no response. "Nikki?"

He turned on his heel, shooting a quick glance all around him as he did so. He headed further along the corridor, reaching the changing rooms. He pushed open the door, the sensor turning the lights on as he did so, calling out for her again.

"Nikki?" He listened for her, before stepping into the room. At first, she was hidden from his view, the noise of her crying drawing his attention to her presence. He rushed to her side, crouching and resting a hand on her bare shoulder "Niks? What's happened?"

She flinched at his touch, "Get off me! Leave me alone!"

"Niks, it's Harry," he said, shrugging off his jacket. "You're okay love."

"Harry?" She mumbled, the upset clear in her voice.

"I'm right here, let's get this on you love, you're freezing," he said, helping her sit forward so he could wrap the jacket around her. "What happened?"

"I'd forgotten it all..." She whispered, cuddling into him as he sat next to her and put an arm around her. "Being in here brought it back."

"What love?" He asked, though he feared he knew.

"Him, it was in here Harry. Andy was looking for me earlier, and when he came in it was all so similar..."

"He said you weren't in here."

"He didn't come in, just pushed open the door, I... Leo found me then exactly like you have now."

"Oh Niks, you poor thing," Harry said, wiping her tears away softly. "Let's get you out of here, okay?"

Harry slowly helped her stand, hugging her before allowing her to finish changing, putting his jacket back on when she passed it to him. They made their way back up to the offices, Harry with an arm constantly around Nikki's waist, reassuring her.

"I just need to talk to Leo, then I'll be back," Harry said as they reached their desks.

"Okay...Harry?" Nikki asked, taking his hand as he turned away. "Thank you."

He squeezed her hand before pulling her into a hug. "It's okay. I love you."

"Love you too," she said, pulling away from him and sitting at his desk as he walked away.

"Leo?" Harry began as he closed the door to the older man's office.

"Yes? I see you found Nikki."

"Yea, she's a bit worked up. Do you mind if I take her out of here for a bit?"

"Not at all, it's quiet at the moment. What's happened?"

"Something spooked her in the changing room. It brought back memories..." Harry trailed off sadly.

"Shit," Leo said quietly. "It hadn't even occurred to me that might happen. Take as long as she needs. I'll call you if I need you back sooner."

"Thanks Leo," Harry said, opening the door.

"No problem, just make sure she's okay."

Harry headed back over to his desk, smiling as Nikki glanced up at him. "I checked with  
Leo, he said we can take an early lunch, get you out of here for a bit."

The rest of their day passed with no issues, Nikki now much calmer than she had been. As they both just had paperwork to complete that afternoon, Harry stayed as near to her as he could, keeping a close eye on her to make sure she was okay. They picked up a takeaway on their way home, neither of them wanting to cook, then later that night were curled up on the sofa together in front of the TV.

"What will I do?" Nikki asked suddenly, breaking the silence between them.

"Hmm? Do about what?" Harry asked.

"Work. What if I can't go back in there?" She explained sadly.

"You'll be able to Niks, look at me love," he said, urging her to turn round to face him. She complied, tucking her head close to his chest, only to have Harry tilt it up to look at him. "You've been through hell, love, but look how far you've come. You're one of the strongest people I know. You'll be okay."

"You think?" She asked, resting a hand on his chest.

"I know," he said, softly kissing her. "Next time you need to go in there, I'll come with you, okay?"

"Thank you," she said sleepily. "You're too good for me."

"I'm not, we're perfect for each other, right? I'll do whatever I can to help you, love," he told her, running a hand through her hair. "Shall we get an early night? You need your rest."

"You don't need to fuss over me Harry," Nikki said, yawning as she cuddled closer to him. "It doesn't sound like a bad idea though. I'll go up when this show finishes."

Harry tightened his arms around her, keeping her close, chuckling to himself softly when minutes later he heard her breathing even out. He glanced down, and sure enough she was fast asleep. He wished he could do more for her, she was so peaceful like this, but knew she was constantly worrying about so many things when she was awake. He switched off the TV and untangled himself from her before standing up, turning to pick her up gently to carry her up to bed.

**Reviews are always loved and appreciated, and they don't take long to leave :) **

**C x**


	16. Chapter 16

**So, you're getting this sooner than planned as I've decided to split it into two shorter chapters instead of one long one! **

**Hope you've all had a lovely Easter, and now I've arrived to fill it with angst!**

**Warning for some adult language & sexual content**

A few weeks later, Harry woke early one morning, Nikki's back pressed against his chest. He felt himself harden as he gazed at her. It had been a long time since they'd made love. They hadn't even discussed it since her attack, and he certainly wasn't going to push her to before she was ready. Normally he ignored any feelings he had but this morning, he slipped out of bed and stripped, making his way to the bathroom. He locked the door, turning on the shower. He stroked himself as he waited for the water to heat up, before stepping into the cubicle, the hot water and steam hitting his skin. He let his mind wander back to Nikki, trying to block out all the problems they'd had over the last few months. He recalled the last time they'd been intimate - just before he'd gone away, her small hands caressing him, her warm body underneath his. He continued his actions, biting his lip to stop the moan trying to force its way out from his throat. He leaned forwards against the tiles, running his thumb over the head of his cock, pumping faster as his desire grew. His eyes closed as, with a few final strokes, he came covering his hand and the wall in front of him, unable to stop himself moaning loudly. Minutes later he washed quickly, turning off the water and stepping out of the cubicle to dry off.

/

Nikki woke slowly to a strong kicking against her stomach, sunlight beginning to creep into the room around the edges of the blind. She stroked her belly, trying to calm the baby inside, but to no avail. She reached out for Harry expecting him to be behind her, knowing that he would gladly try to calm their child,Hop but finding only an empty space. She pulled on her dressing gown as she made her way downstairs, hearing the shower running as she passed the bathroom. As she waited for the kettle to boil, she grinned as she spotted her 20 week scan from a few weeks earlier stuck to the fridge, her hand resting against her stomach, the kicks having softened a little now. She was amazed at how quickly the time was passing, their little one would be here before they knew it, and they still had so much to sort out.

She made two cups of tea and carried them back upstairs. As she passed the bathroom again, the shower still running, she was about to call out to Harry when she heard him moan loudly. She faltered, certain of what she'd just overheard, before heading back to their room. She slipped back into bed, leaning against the soft headboard- as they didn't have to go to work today there was no need to get up just yet.

"You were up early," she said, as Harry came back into the room and began to dress.

"Couldn't sleep, you?" he said, picking up his tea. "Thanks."

"Your child woke me up, clearly I'm not allowed to sleep late!"

"So he's yours when he's behaving and mine when he's not?" Harry asked cheekily as he lay on top of the duvet looking up at her.

"Precisely," Nikki grinned. "We don't know for certain it's a boy yet though."

"I know, I know," Harry said, turning onto his side and slipping his hand underneath the duvet to rest on her stomach. "I was thinking we could go out for the day, it looks like it's going to be really nice."

"Okay, where?"

"I hadn't got that far in my plan yet," Harry admitted, as he stood up. "Get up and I'll find somewhere."

"So you're not going to tell me then?" Nikki asked as she got out of bed.

"Where we're going? I'll tell you if you want to know," Harry said.

"Not that Harry," Nikki said harshly.

"What then?"

"I overheard you earlier... in the shower!" She said angrily

"Oh, I just needed to... you know, and we haven't for so long, and I understand why and that's not a problem but I just..." he rambled before trailing off, not knowing what to say.

"I don't give a fuck about you wanking Harry," she yelled, "what bothers me is that you can't tell me, or bring yourself to talk to me about sex any more!"

"You know why I haven't done that?" He shot back, raising his voice.

"Why? Why won't you talk about something we enjoyed, and will enjoy again, so much?!" She shouted.

"Because I didn't want you to think I was like all the other men who only wanted you for sex!" He roared. "I love you, I want to be with you forever, and yes I want us to make love again, and with you it's better than anyone else I've been with, but it's not the most important thing! You getting better and being happy is what matters to me, and I didn't want to fuck that up by taking about the very thing that started off the hell you've been through!"

Nikki was stunned into silence by his explosion and exhaled slowly, knowing they both needed to calm down.

"Is that okay?" Harry asked, tears filling his eyes and choking his voice. "Is that good enough for you?"

He left the room quickly, Nikki hearing him going downstairs. She sat on the bed, tears beginning to run down her face. She knew what he'd said made perfect sense. Perfect sense in their fucked up life, she scoffed.

**Thank you for all of the lovely reviews you've been leaving...if you liked this, you know what to do! **


End file.
